The night mare of halloween

[myershall]

first off this is not a script or a versus story
The title could be changed, now criticize this(by the way I'll post some more later)

Page 1
A orderly wheels in a body bag.
" Not another one. heez what the hell happened there tonight?!", A female mortician says impatiently.
" Well when Mike Myers goes for the kill, He goes all out.", The orderly says very non chaulantly.
" So who is it now?", The mortician says wearily.
" The man himself, good ole Mikey Myers.", The orderly says with a light chuckle.
" Are you kidding? If this is a jome I wll kill you.", The mortician says with a twinge of fear in her voice.
" Look for yourself if you don't believe me.", The orderly says as he leaves the room.
As the mortician walks to the body bag, she feels a sudden nervousness sweep over her. When she gets to the body bag, she slowly unzips the bag. Her breath stops as ahse gasps at the site before her. She turns as she tries to get the image of the burned mask from her mind.
As she reaches the table she was at she shudders at the thoughts flying through her head. She feels terrified as she realizes that she is in the room with the most dangerous man alive. She turns towards the body bag to see if he is still there.

Well what do you think, do you want me to post page two or not.

[Chaosboy]

Sounds good so far...gimme more!!

[myershall]

will later, after school

[Chaosboy]

Originally posted by myershall
will later, after school
cool!

[Spongerboy]

why would she turn to see if he's still there? I mean... she should just turn and then he's NOT there. You know?

[myershall]

Well heres your explanation

Page 2

The male orderly suddenly hears a blood curtling scream. He drops his sandwich as he runs to the morgue. When he opens the door, he is taken aback by the shocking image he finds.
The mortician has been gutted by a scalpel. Her eyes are missing, as are her teeth. He drops to his knees and begins to sob. WHen he opens his eyes he sees a pair of boots beneath him.
He slowly looks up into the face of Micheal Myers. The orderly starts to make a stuttering sound. Micheal looks deep into the eyes of the young man before stabbing him in the chest with a scalpel. Micheal lifts him into the air before dropping him to the floor.
When he leaves the room he passes his siters old room. As he sees it, he suddenly is overcome with a great rage.He starts to quicken his pace. As he leaves the hospital, he becomes more relaxed.
As he tries to find a car to steal, he hears a couple making out. He walks towards them, while staying in the shadows. When he is about ten feet from the couple, he steps on a piece of glass. As he makes it deeper into the shadows, the couple stop and begin to look around.
" i think we should leave now Dennis.", A girl says.



What do you think of this so far now, and actually Io don't think i answered the last question asked either.

[Mark Warner]

Sounds interesting, but I don't think you should call it The Nightmare of Halloween, seeing how some people might confuse it with The Nightmare Ends on Halloween, and my film, The Halloween Nightmare (which has nothing to do with any of the Halloween films, but, you get the idea)

[myershall]

yeah I get the idea.
By the way I will have more up in a little while

[myershall]

HEY!

[bmac0130]

sounds good.

[myershall]

well it is finally time for more of my great story


Page 3:

"OK fine, just let me go get a soda." Dennis saus in a huff.
When dennis gets inside. Micheal starts to advance towards the young girl. She isn't aware of him till she hears his heavy breathing. She slowly turns around and is taken aback by Micheal
"Who the hell are you?" the girl nervously asks.
Micheal takes a long deep gaze into her eyes. he suddenly stabbes her twice in the stomach. As she takes af inal look into micheal's eyes, she makes a raspy noise. When she falls to the ground, Micheal drags her behind the car.
When dennis emerges from the hospital, he notices that girlfriend is no longer beside the car.
"Kelsey, were are you?' Dennis hollers out.
He starts to look around, but realizes that she is gone. He heads to his car so he can go home and call her from his house. When walking around the car, Dennis sees Kelsey laying in a puddle of her own blood. he turns around and bumps into Micheal.
"You sack of crap. How could you do this to Kelsey? Why would you kill her?" dennis screams out in anguish.
Micheal sighs and thinks how stupid dennis is as he takes the oncoming abuse.
"Can't you talk, you stupid idiot?" Dennis cries out in pure hatred.
Micheal suddenly reaches out and grabs Dennis by the throat. He then lets go for a second. When Dennis catches his breath again, Micheal grabs his head with both hands. Slowly and painfully, Micheal crushes Dennis's head in.

So what do you think of it so far

[myershall]

Originally posted by Spongerboy
why would she turn to see if he's still there? I mean... she should just turn and then he's NOT there. You know?

oh yeah and spongerboy i didn't do that becasue they seem to do that in every movie

[kong0074]

Yo Yo Austin pretty good so far! :D

[myershall]

Thanks Shawn
I will have more up after school today

[kong0074]

np u better have some more up member i'll c u at skool tomarrow lol jk!!!! :D

[kong0074]

u better post some more or ill make u!!!!!! lol

[myershall]

ok here is some more


page 4

The next day in school, nobody notices that Dennis and Kelsey are gone. They all think that they just skipped the day.
"Man I wish that i could just skip one day." Matt McGavin says to Kit Hawkins.
" Yeah i know what you mean. But knowing my luck i will probably get caught by my mom." Kit says with a slight chuckle.
As Kit finish there conversation, in the back ground sarina and Jason are trying to catch up. Suddenly they turn around and sigh heavely,
" Here comes Austin. Why dos he bother us all the time?" Jason says as if he is in pain by the sight of Austin.
" Whyare you guys so mean to him all the time? Al he ever does is say hi and try to be nice." Matt inquires.
"Hi guys. Whats up?" Austin says as he passes.
Matt puts up his hand and waves, then turns to Jason.
"See what i mean?" Matt says.
" But he is so wierd. I mean all day he doesn't say a word. Then he sees us and can't shut up. it gets so annoying." Sarina says exasperatedly.
" Just try to be nice like matt said." Kit says.
When the four freinds get inside there class Sarina and Jason pass Austin with out a word.

[boogeyman87]

Didnt read it becuase this little mistake bothered me. The lady at the end of Resurrection isnt a mortician, she's a coroner. :)

[myershall]

well i am srry that I couldn't get hte right characters but don't stop just because of one little mistake

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by myershall
well i am srry that I couldn't get hte right characters but don't stop just because of one little mistake

Okay I finished what was there to read. I have a few things to say.

The spelling is horrible first off. I dont know if you wrote this right here off the bat or not but please use word or another program and use the spell check. It distracts the readers attention and makes them think about what that word could be rather than the story.

I wonder how Michael could remove a womans teeth, eyes, and be gutted in a matter of seconds. She screams and the guard comes right in. Him sobbing or weeping is also very awkward and too much emotion right away. We hardly know this guy or the relationship between the two and he's weeping on the ground like a baby.

The part where he walks past his sisters room makes no sense as well. Laurie's room from H2 was in HMH not in a coroner's office . Kelsey being stabbed in the stomach is a nice kill and the only good point in this jumble. Dennis's line "You sack of crap. How could you do this to Kelsey? Why would you kill her?" is laughable and sounds rushed.

The next scene at school is almost confussing, what with Michael just being ignored after that kill. Did he find a car? Did the police arrive? I sugest writing more there to fill in holes. You should set the story up and the new setting of the school with these completely new characters.

I know your 14 as your signature states and I'll cut you the slack for being a young kid who may not have the time, effort and knowledge to write a story but just take my criticism as healthy words. If you can finish the story, work at it and put some thought behind it then I'm sure it will turn out to be an semi-good to moderate story.

[myershall]

thank you and as for the spelling I ma sorry about that but at the time I had only typed this here

as for your comment about what happened to Micheal My explanation is that I wnated to do something that would give the readers a quick since of peace almost that when He does show up it would throw them off gaurd.

Now thank you for the Kill of kelsey comment, even though I thought that most people would like the dennis death a bit more.

Now How could Micheal pull out the teeth so quickly, and eyes. Micheal is pure evil and ...... I don't know how he could.

The dude crying is because some body just died and he had an intense reaction.

Dennis's line was kinda of stupid.

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by myershall
thank you and as for the spelling I ma sorry about that but at the time I had only typed this here

as for your comment about what happened to Micheal My explanation is that I wnated to do something that would give the readers a quick since of peace almost that when He does show up it would throw them off gaurd.

Now thank you for the Kill of kelsey comment, even though I thought that most people would like the dennis death a bit more.

Now How could Micheal pull out the teeth so quickly, and eyes. Micheal is pure evil and ...... I don't know how he could.

The dude crying is because some body just died and he had an intense reaction.

Dennis's line was kinda of stupid.

Well I do suggest to learn to spell 100% correctly in your stories and even your posts. I didnt like Dennis's death becuase it's been done before and seriously just an hour before when he killed Jim. It sometimes seems like a quick way to kill someone when you've got no other ideas.

Well I dont believe that Michael is absolute pure evil and thats really no way to go around explaining things. Sure how could Michael pick up someone with a scapel when he did it to Nurse Karen but removing someone's eyes, teeth and gutting them is just pushing it to an extreme.

You said it yourself, you dont know how he could do that. Well, if you dont know how something can happen in your story then you've got a problem. You should research a bit, take the time to think to yourself " is this realistic enough". Stretch that death scene out a bit and possible make the guard call out to the coroner before.

Example: " Rachel(name her what you want)..." said the guard with concern in his voice and a gulp buldging in his throat. "you...you...okay in there" he said as he stumbled from his office chair and started to walk through the dark corridor.

See, that gives a decent amount of time for all of those events to take place and for Michael to prepare. Now, the guard crying is your own judgement but I'll tell you that I always prefer fear, guilt, nervousness more than all out crying on the floor. That is of course your choice and do what you think is best for your work.

[kong0074]

I think it is pretty good austin!!!!! :) The reason the spelling is so bad is bc he only get like 10mins on the cpu, then he has 2 get off. And he is a very busy person he has homework....chores.....& some other stuff!!!!

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by kong0074
I think it is pretty good austin!!!!! :) The reason the spelling is so bad is bc he only get like 10mins on the cpu, then he has 2 get off. And he is a very busy person he has homework....chores.....& some other stuff!!!!

Well then he shouldnt post at all if he cant take a few seconds to realize he has spelled words wrong. I also think that you should take some of that advice. Spell correctly or dont spell at all.

[kong0074]

The only thing i c wrong with mine r the abbrvations but thats how must teens type these days!!!!!! :D And really really sry if u dun like the way i type/spell but iam gonna keep doin & even if i do spell wrong iam gonna keep on posting!!!!!!

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by kong0074
The only thing i c wrong with mine r the abbrvations but thats how must teens type these days!!!!!! :D And really really sry if u dun like the way i type/spell but iam gonna keep doin & even if i do spell wrong iam gonna keep on posting!!!!!!


Most teens must be idiots then right? Dont speak for a nation kid. Speaking for yourself, well, you have bad spelling. Go ahead and keep on typing that way. We'll just keep bringing it up over and over and over again.

[myershall]

ok way I am srry I was gone for so long but I am grounded. See you in a while

[kong0074]

OK i PM u & dun call me kid girly!

[lil_Devil_thorn]

Hey I read your lil thing and I though it was awsome.:)

[myershall]

thanks alot lil_Devil_thorn

[lil_Devil_thorn]

OMG I love it i want more this is what a good halloween story is about congragulations u got my vote lol

[myershall]

you are the nicest member I know

[Mark Warner]

I'm going to have to agree with Chris on this one. You need to work on the story more. It's a bit messy.

[myershall2]

ok thanks I will certainly do that

[myershall2]

okay I will have more of it up within a week

[myershall2]

Incase some does read this for some reason there is a revised version by me un der my current name so read that please

[Mark Warner]

There's no link.

[myershall2]

http://www.ohmb.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4564&highlight=myershall2

Here is the link everyone