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View Full Version : An Itty Bitty Piece From "Forceable Fear"


The New Guy
10-25-2004, 09:51 AM
INT. Dream World

Sean slowly opens his eyes. Not sure of what to expect when they open. He sees that he is surrounded by all darkness. Absolutely nothing to be seen, except for his body. He stands up slowly and looks around. He still can't see anything.

SEAN: What the hell?

He stands there. Still extremely confused. Then a light fog begins to appear. It gets heavier by the second. Sean steps back, not sure of what to expect.

SEAN: Somebody help me!

Then he hears something. It's very faint at first, then it gets a little louder. A little louder. Now he can hear it very clearly. It's the "Pop Goes The Weasel" tune.

SEAN'S P.O.V.- A small jack in the box rolls towards him and stops at his feet.

He cocks his head to the side, seemingly very confused. The tune keeps playing, the knob keeps turning. Until finally, it starts to slow down more and more until it eventually stops.

SEAN: What?

He slowly bends down to pick it up. His fingers barely graze the box when a clown's head, sharp teeth and all, jumps out at him, laughing crazily. Sean falls back, screaming his lungs off. Then red lights appear all around him, and suddenly, hundreds of jack in the boxes surround him. Now there are hundreds of clowns closing in on him until eventually they completely surround him. One jumps at him and...


That's all I have for now.

NCamp
10-25-2004, 10:32 AM
Sounds like a bad dream to me. Haha just to be over critical, boxes dont roll. :)

The New Guy
10-25-2004, 01:08 PM
Oh crap, I have to fix that. I meant to say a jack in the box on wheels. My bad.

Neo
10-25-2004, 01:16 PM
Nah a box could roll!, not like a ball but it can flop on to its other sides to move. Keep the box rolling idea instead of wheels. If its on wheels then it could be rolling coz of a slant floor or wind etc, but if the box is rolling as if its being turned onto its other side by some force making it much scarier.

The New Guy
10-25-2004, 03:52 PM
Originally posted by Neo
Nah a box could roll!, not like a ball but it can flop on to its other sides to move. Keep the box rolling idea instead of wheels. If its on wheels then it could be rolling coz of a slant floor or wind etc, but if the box is rolling as if its being turned onto its other side by some force making it much scarier.

Very good point. I'll keep it as it is.

NCamp
10-25-2004, 08:08 PM
Yeah I guess that makes sense. But mention that it as though some mysterious kind of force was pushing them foward.