How to Write a Screenplay

[FTL]

If you want your scripts hosted, my sn is Full Ti1t Boogie. Drop me a line. Even if I'm away, I could be there.

The following are notes for anyone interested in writing a screenplay. So, you have an awesome Halloween story in your head, think it could be the next big thing, and want to turn it into a script. Trouble is, you don't know what to do. So, here are a couple pointers for you:

Make sure to adhere to script format (a detailed breakdown in a moment). While script format also adds a certain amount of credibility and respect to the script, it also makes it infinitely more readable. Without script format, posters will have to strain their eyes to read, which makes it all the more likely they'll simply close the window and move on with their lives.

A typical screenplay should run anywhere from 100 to 120 pages in length (one page = one minute of screentime. Hence a 1 hr. 40 min. to 2 hr. running time). The proper font to use is Courier or Courier New, 12-pt.

In 99% of all cases, screenplays can be broken down into three individual acts. Act I is your introduction and should last anywhere from 15 to 25 pages in length. This is where you introduce your characters, get the audience interested, and the like. Act II introduces your problem, some obstacle the main character(s) must overcome. This will be the longest segment of the script, usually taking up around 60 pages. And finally, you wrap things up in Act III, which is your conclusion and generally has the main character defeating his nemesis.

Each scene in a script begins with a slugline. This will usually read like INT. MYERS HOUSE - NIGHT. The "INT." stands for interior shot (inside). This can be replaced with "EXT." (exterior -> outside), or "INT./EXT.," if the scene moves from inside to outside. "MYERS HOUSE" is the location of the scene, and "NIGHT" refers to time of day (usually coming down to "DAWN," MORNING," "DAY," "DUSK," and "NIGHT").

Dialogue is broken down into what we call "Cues." Generally, a Cue reads something like this:

LAURIE [character name]
(angry) [emotion -- typically not necessary]
So, are you doing okay with this script thing
or not? [Dialogue]

Dialogue is what people actually say, so try to make it as realistic as possible. Bad dialogue sticks out like a sore thumb.

If you have any other questions, PM The Dark Shape, or e-mail him at BladeSaga@aol.com or PM me, the author...

Or feel free to ask questions here if we haven't covered something that you want to know. That could be more helpful and possibly answer most questions faster.

[freethy]

I've always wanted to write a script but never knew how to. I dunno why I never looked it all up...lol But yeah, this is helpfull and i'll be sure to ask some questions if I ever get started.

[Thrillogy]

I know your best bet is on google there is this amazing web-site that shows you step by step how to write scripts. I also reccomend screenwriting for dummies.

[FTL]

Some people are too lazy to actually go looking for that stuff. This is basically getting you in the ball park. If you wanna see how other scripts work, go to JoBlo's site incase you need a sample.

[Franchise]

I'd write a script, but it'd be about doing squat thrusts and how I'd date this hot woman and kill her dog in the microwave and then fillet her innards with a skewering stick. It'd be so brutal. It'd all start with "So, I was doing these squat thrusts...". It'd be bad!

[boogeyman87]

I'm more of a story person than a script person. Easier for people to read and easier for me to write and explain. Take a look at my story at the bottom of the page. All story and no script. I think it works for me.

[freethy]

I'm gonna try this scriptwriting out. For starters I will write a halloween fan script for a bit of practice and it'll give me something to post on the board for feedback and stuff.

[NeewollaH]

I'm currently writing a script, but it's really tough. I can never find the time, and I'm always putting it off. Oh well..

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

The toughest thing to master is the margins. If you're hellbent on writing scripts in proper format, learn those margins. From there, it's all cake. The rules change frequently, though...some things which were standard five years ago are considered pretty archaic now. So try to stay current.

I don't really think it's necessary for fan scripts that you post online to be perfectly formatted, though...putting them on the web will generally screw up the formatting, anyway. But if you ever want to write a serious script, definitely learn your formatting.

Also, anyone who wants to write and market their own scripts should definitely own a copy of The Screenwriter's Bible. It was really invaluable when I first started writing screenplays.

[The Dark Shape]

"Yes, yes! To EOTL you listen! Wordpad... remember your failure with wordpad!"

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by The Dark Shape
"Yes, yes! To EOTL you listen! Wordpad... remember your failure with wordpad!"
Hey...don't start with me, pal. I didn't format the thing, numero uno. And furthermore...the formatting wasn't nearly as bad prior to posting it on the web. Besides, as I said...when you're just posting it online, who gives a shit, to be frank? I mean, of course, other than you. Practically everyone who's taken the time to read the script has enjoyed it, margins be damned.

[FTL]

Relax, you two fucking ladies.

When I do fan shit, I have it formatted close enough to look like the real deal. But when I wanna do something serious, I make sure it's perfect. The first post is just to make sure everyone gets a clear idea of what to work with and stuff.

[The Dark Shape]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
Hey...don't start with me, pal. I didn't format the thing, numero uno. And furthermore...the formatting wasn't nearly as bad prior to posting it on the web. Besides, as I said...when you're just posting it online, who gives a shit, to be frank? I mean, of course, other than you. Practically everyone who's taken the time to read the script has enjoyed it, margins be damned.

Actually that wasn't an attack, just an ill-placed Yoda reference. I just felt the need to work with the whole 'failure in the cave' bit :p

[MMyers89]

Hey thanks for telling that the proper font was Courier. I just changed my H9 script to it and it went from 24 pages to 31 pages and it looks much more professional. Now I have just another 60 to 70 pages to go.

[MetallicaKnot17]

Right now Im writing a screenplay called "Friday the 13th - A Halloween Nightmare." Its going to have Michael Myers vs Jason vs Freddy......Hopefully I can get enought dudes and dudettes to being in this....Im probably gonna turn it into another shit job of a fan film like all of my others are.....

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by The Dark Shape
Actually that wasn't an attack, just an ill-placed Yoda reference. I just felt the need to work with the whole 'failure in the cave' bit :p
*information registering...realization hitting* Y'know...I can see that now. LOL

[FranchiseHatesMe]

I am thinking about making a movie called Samhein - The Night Of The Boogiemen and have alot of horror icons in it but i just cant find the time and the skill to sit down and bang out a script. I have a little intro thing set up thats like a page and half but thats it.

[FTL]

If you want to get a screenplay done, it requires thought, patience, time. You can't rush it. You just write a little here, a little there. It's not something you can finish in an easy week.

[MMyers89]

Originally posted by FTL
If you want to get a screenplay done, it requires thought, patience, time. You can't rush it. You just write a little here, a little there. It's not something you can finish in an easy week.

Its true, I have been writing my script since April and I have only churned out 28 pages or so. I just write things here and there. Some days I'll write nothing at all, some days I'll write a couple lines, and other days I'll sit for hours and write like 6 pages or so. So just because you can't write it quick, doesn't mean you can't write it.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by FTL
If you want to get a screenplay done, it requires thought, patience, time. You can't rush it. You just write a little here, a little there. It's not something you can finish in an easy week.
Well, some of us can. ;)

Well...no...maybe not an easy week...but a tough week, sure...I can hammer out a script.

[FTL]

Ha! You couldn't even do a short story horror spoof I asked you to do back in the day with a few other posters. Pussy.

[Man In Black]

All you have to do is include Syxx and you've got movie gold.

[Franchise]

Originally posted by Man In Black
All you have to do is include Syxx and you've got movie gold.

I wrote one where I was like stuck in a barn and it was dark. You weren't there. You think it flopped for that reason or because all I did was do squat thrusts and plan my next murder spree?

[Johnathon]

Originally posted by NeewollaH
I'm currently writing a script, but it's really tough. I can never find the time, and I'm always putting it off. Oh well..


I'm really into script writing. I think of one thing during school, or at night, and I write it down on paper.

[ten31]

Originally posted by FTL
If you want to get a screenplay done, it requires thought, patience, time. You can't rush it. You just write a little here, a little there. It's not something you can finish in an easy week.


Writing a first draft of a script in a week is easy. Look at Sly Stallone and Kevin Williamson for examples. Both of their calling cards were written in a short period of time.

[The Dark Shape]

Yeah. All they had to do was lock themselves in rooms and write for 15 hour shifts.

[ten31]

Originally posted by The Dark Shape
Yeah. All they had to do was lock themselves in rooms and write for 15 hour shifts.


I wrote my first draft for Tortured in five days and I wrote maybe 4 hours a day tops.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by FTL
Ha! You couldn't even do a short story horror spoof I asked you to do back in the day with a few other posters. Pussy.
True...and in the thread on the old board where everyone was challenged to write a story based on certain criteria, and several people agreed to do so, who was the only person who wrote a story...and in thirty minutes, no less? Yes...it was me.

Fact is, when I'm on, I'm on...when I'm not, I'm not...and when I'm working on one thing, nothing else is even up for consideration. I was working on something back when you asked for the spoof, FTL...sorry. I told you I was busy, but I'd see if I had time. As it turned out, I didn't. And didn't everyone else bail on that project, as well? ;)

But hey...I can still bang out a feature-length script in a week or two.

[horrorqueen7]

A good friend told me to get the screenwriters bible. It def is a HUGE help!! Thank you ;)

[ten31]

You can also check out www.scriptsales.com theres a lot of useful tips as well as a great message board.

[The Dark Shape]

Originally posted by ten31
I wrote my first draft for Tortured in five days and I wrote maybe 4 hours a day tops.

And how long was it?

[FTL]

It's cool, EOTL. I don't care.

To anyone who can bang out a script as fast as a week or so, good for you. It just takes longer for me because I need to have the details, the lines, the reactions of the characters, everything has to be just perfectly done. I put some time into it when I sit down to write a good story.

[ten31]

Originally posted by The Dark Shape
And how long was it?

it was 98 pages. After two rewrites I brought it down to 91 pages.

[ten31]

Originally posted by FTL
It's cool, EOTL. I don't care.

To anyone who can bang out a script as fast as a week or so, good for you. It just takes longer for me because I need to have the details, the lines, the reactions of the characters, everything has to be just perfectly done. I put some time into it when I sit down to write a good story.

If I sit there and must have the first draft perfect, I probably wouldn't finish the script. I let everything flow in the first draft. In the second draft I can fix things that don't work.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by FTL
It's cool, EOTL. I don't care.

To anyone who can bang out a script as fast as a week or so, good for you. It just takes longer for me because I need to have the details, the lines, the reactions of the characters, everything has to be just perfectly done. I put some time into it when I sit down to write a good story.
Don't get me wrong...I can work on a script forever (I worked on one for about seven years). I'm a perfectionist by nature, but I learned along the way that nothing I write is ever gonna be perfect, no matter how much I fuck with it. No matter what, you have to settle at some point.

But with as long as I can drag the scriptwriting process out, I find the reverse can be true as well. If you give me enough caffeine and I'm in the right frame of mind, miracles can happen in short periods of time. Really, it all comes down to "Is the inspiration there?" If it isn't, I can write a piece of shit for months on end. If it is, I'll be typing "FADE OUT" on a good script within the week.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by horrorqueen7
A good friend told me to get the screenwriters bible. It def is a HUGE help!! Thank you ;)
Hey...wasn't I the one who suggested The Screenwriter's Bible? Does this mean we're best buds now? ;)

[Boogeyman1978]

Ok so say you're at like a location in a script..but you're in a specific room in the house. For example..say you're at the myers house in judith's room at night? how would you write that out in script format.

Would it just be. Int. Myers House - Night
Or do you have to throw in "Judith's Room" somewhere in there too?

Also..how do you write out your shots?

[FTL]

INT. MYERS HOUSE - JUDITH'S ROOM - NIGHT, or if you're already inside the house, then it's INT. JUDITH'S ROOM - NIGHT

I don't really write camera angles or any of that fancy stuff unless it's important and is required to be there.

[ten31]

FTL is correct. If you've alread established that you are in the house than you can just say INT. JUDITH'S ROOM.

I wouldn't put in camera direction for a script if it a spec script. If you are planning on shooting your own script than you can get away with camera angles. Most producers/directors don't like to have the writer tell them the way the movie should be made.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Yeah, FTL has the proper format. Also, there are different ways to have your characters go from one room to another within the same location without designating an entirely new main heading. For example...if we are in a hallway of the Myers house and we want to get to Judith's room, something along these lines works well, is accepted according to current industry standard, and is much less cumbersome than adding a new heading:


INT. MYERS HOUSE - HALLWAY - NIGHT

The Shape stalks through the shadows, surveying his surroundings. In time, he comes to a door. Walking through it, he enters

JUDITH'S ROOM

Once inside, he walks to the window....


And so on. This is especially useful in scenes where action shifts from one room to another several times while maintaining the same primary location and time frame.

And it is certainly wise to omit any reference to specific camera angles, unless absolutely necessary...camera angles are for the director to determine, and should be included only in the director's shooting script. So if you're planning to direct your own film, knock yourself out with the camera direction. If, on the other hand, you intend for others to read your script, don't bother.

[Boogeyman1978]

Ok thanks a lot guys! I really appreciate your help. I could've searched the web for a few hours, but I felt more comfortable asking someone that I know has done all this before! So thanks again!

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

No problem, man. Good luck with your writing.

[Boogeyman1978]

Ok guys im back with two small questions for you. Ok in some of the script examples i've seen, there's certain words that are capitalized in the paragraphs and some aren't. What's the purpose behind capitalizing something in a descriptive paragraph?

Also, are character names always capitalized..like even when used in a line of dialogue?

Thanks again! I've gotten a total of 4 pages written!

[FTL]

The name of a character is capitalized once and that is when he/she is introduced and that is the only time the character is capitalized. And no, the names are not capitalized in dialogue.

Here's a portion of my script to help you out:

INT. ZIGRATA PENITENTIARY - MONITOR ROOM - DAY

A finger pressed against a monitor with a caption of some man
watching TV at his bed, or so it appears to us. PULL BACK to
reveal hard-ass prison warden RAY QUENCY LAMATTA who sports a cheap suit, and mimics Christopher Walken to a T.

With LaMatta is Scarfo and Lewis, both dressed to impress. They
wear ID visitor cards.

[ten31]

Some people put action/sound/fx in capitals.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Yeah, always capitalize the first appearance of a character in your script, just the let the reader know that someone new has entered the story...but not in dialogue or anywhere else in description.

And some writers (though by no means all) do use caps to signify an important sound or action, as a sort of emphasis. I use this technique myself sometimes...but I would recommend discretion in doing so. Used sparingly, it can add to the reader's involvement...used frequently, it can annoy the living shit out of them.

[Boogeyman1978]

thanks once again guys! i'll have to go back through and change the character capitalization thing because i captialized them the whole way through. And the other part, I think anything else I had captialized in my descriptions and what not was mainly used for emphasis in the important parts so i think i got that part right.

Does anyone in here use Final Draft to write their scripts? If so, i think there's a problem with the formatting on mine and i dont know quite how to fix it.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Nope, sorry. Being a cheap bastard, I format my scripts the old fashioned way...by shifting margins around every five seconds. LOL

[FTL]

I do the same here, bub. It's hella fun!

[Boogeyman1978]

hehe..i got my final draft for free. gotta love online piracy..lol.

[ten31]

Originally posted by Boogeyman1978
hehe..i got my final draft for free. gotta love online piracy..lol.

I'm going to bite the bullet and buy Final Draft. I'll be using a friends university card though so I can get the academic discount.

[Boogeyman1978]

Ok, here's a question im lost on. Ok, in my script i was going to have two people conversing over the internet say via ICQ or AOL..something like that. How would you format what their saying to each other though?

[FTL]

Hmmm....try this (maybe EOTL can help out too)...

INSERT-[name of sn]: Hey, how are you today?

But have it set to the left and not centered, or just have your characters whispering under their breath what they're gonna type out.

[Boogeyman1978]

Ok I went ahead and decided to nix the online part of my story, and take the story a different route. My first act is completely finished now..coming in at close to 24 pages.

Now for the second act, i want to start things off with a montage of things that happen over the next few months in the story. But I've never seen a montage written out in the script before. How exactly would you do that? Like what kind of scene heading would you write out for it?

I tried to think of a different way to cover things, but I couldn't come up with anything. I think the montage would be the best way to cover the events of a couple months in the shortest amount of time. all i need is how to write out the scene heading, or slugline, for it.

Anyone else ever seen this done?

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

The proper way to write a montage is as follows:


MONTAGE - A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE MONTAGE HERE

-- So-and-So's house - Something happens.

-- The park - Something else happens.

-- Prison - Forced sodomy happens.


Well...you get the idea. That's the proper format. And it should be flush with the standard left and right margins.

[Boogeyman1978]

Thanks EVIL! I'll get back to writing today. Oh yeah, i like the prison line..caught me off guard..lol

Ok..now im looking for an opinion from you or FTL. If you have a group of guys, say 4 of them...all of which are villains in the movie...is it absolutely necessary to describe them the first time you see them or can you go into their description later on during their individual scenes? The reason I'm wondering is because the first time you see them in my script...they dont really do or say anything except one of them..which i did describe.

[FTL]

When I introduce any one, I usually try to set up a nice portrait of them. I do a quick and short description. I think it's best. Take this for example, kind of sounds like your situation.

Johnny passes by three men also in drab suits. ANGELO RUGGIERO is fat and round. WILFRED (WILLIE) JOHNSON is bulky and thuggish. GENE GOTTI is John's brother, smaller, leaner and less menacing.

[ten31]

Originally posted by Boogeyman1978
Thanks EVIL! I'll get back to writing today. Oh yeah, i like the prison line..caught me off guard..lol

Ok..now im looking for an opinion from you or FTL. If you have a group of guys, say 4 of them...all of which are villains in the movie...is it absolutely necessary to describe them the first time you see them or can you go into their description later on during their individual scenes? The reason I'm wondering is because the first time you see them in my script...they dont really do or say anything except one of them..which i did describe.

Give a description of your main bad guy. Each character doesn't need to have a description. A simple line like they are part of the bad guy gang could be used to describe the rest of the group.

[#1FreddyFan]

Originally posted by FTL
If you want to get a screenplay done, it requires thought, patience, time. You can't rush it. You just write a little here, a little there. It's not something you can finish in an easy week.

When you've ideas for a story running through your head like crazy for 3+ years, then if you actually HAVE the time, you CAN finish it in an easy week :p

I have to add something here though. If you are writing a script, or a book, or any kind of story, do a quick write-through of the ENTIRE story from start to finish. Do NOT take time before you finish the first draft to go back and add anything in or make corrections! That will only hamper your progress and prevent you from EVER actually finishing it. Because if you go back to add something to one scene, then your mind will start racing about "Well, how can I make THIS scene better? And THAT scene seems to be missing something, and now THIS scene is a bit too long, and THAT scene needs...." and you'll NEVER finish the story because you'll constantly be trying to make improvements elsewhere instead of being able to write "The End". Wait until AFTER you finish the first draft to go back and re-read it to make any corrections or additions.

[boogeyman87]

You guys all give great tips. And #1FreddyFan, you definately speak the truth. I've never finished a story before. Well, there was this little vampire one back in 6th grade but i mean the real stuff. I've had 5 total ideas and 4 i actually started to write. I never finished any of them.One i didnt know where it was going, the other i got hung up on what would take place next. Halloween Shadow is on hold and FTL gave me some words that gave me the feeling i wasnt doing my best. ( And FTL its ok, i need to work on that.) And now, i have Impetus which as of now i'm stuck. I wrote something , but i'm not happy. So hopefully later on down the line i can actually finish a story or maybe i'll just have to cowrite something with somebody. Cause i'm much better at little writings and throwing in ideas and coming up with little things. Not grand storys. Not yet.

[Boogeyman1978]

I have the same problem Boogeyman87. I've got at least three writing projects that I have layed out but I could never really settle in them to a point where I could finish them. I would always write like say 15 pages and be like oh that sucks, and start completely over. It became quite the vicious cycle.

It wasn't until recently that I found someone who believes in my work, and talent when it comes to writing. And i think it was their encouragment that is helping me stay motivated. Plus she helped me realize that not everyone will like what you write or see it the same way as i wanted them to see it. Which is true. So now im seeing how well i do on this on. So far i've got 26 pages down, and no signs of turning back now.

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by Boogeyman1978
I have the same problem Boogeyman87. I've got at least three writing projects that I have layed out but I could never really settle in them to a point where I could finish them. I would always write like say 15 pages and be like oh that sucks, and start completely over. It became quite the vicious cycle.

It wasn't until recently that I found someone who believes in my work, and talent when it comes to writing. And i think it was their encouragment that is helping me stay motivated. Plus she helped me realize that not everyone will like what you write or see it the same way as i wanted them to see it. Which is true. So now im seeing how well i do on this on. So far i've got 26 pages down, and no signs of turning back now.


Thats great, but i cant even write 5 fucking pages. :(

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Sometimes, the idea just takes you nowhere. You can always tell within the first five pages or so (at least, I always can). I've started so many scripts that ended up in the garbage can within five pages. If something isn't working, I don't try to force it...I just keep trying until I hit upon something that works. Cuz when it works, it really works. And if you have to force it, it's not going to end up being what you want it to be.

When you hit upon the right premise, the story can pretty much write itself. But when the premise is wrong, there really isn't any way to rectify it...and you won't get very far. Just keep trying. You should write every day, even if you end up throwing away everything you've written. You'll hit the right plot eventually...and then, it'll be smooth sailing.

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
Sometimes, the idea just takes you nowhere. You can always tell within the first five pages or so (at least, I always can). I've started so many scripts that ended up in the garbage can within five pages. If something isn't working, I don't try to force it...I just keep trying until I hit upon something that works. Cuz when it works, it really works. And if you have to force it, it's not going to end up being what you want it to be.

When you hit upon the right premise, the story can pretty much write itself. But when the premise is wrong, there really isn't any way to rectify it...and you won't get very far. Just keep trying. You should write every day, even if you end up throwing away everything you've written. You'll hit the right plot eventually...and then, it'll be smooth sailing.

Well then i guess i havent found the right story. I swear i had a good one that came to me in a dream. Well, it was a nightmare that i had. But i never put it to paper. It really scared me too. I try to write alot. But most of the time its songs and poetry. Right now i'm writing a short little death scene for Beau's little halloween short story thread.

[FTL]

Boogeyman87, you think you have it bad with your scripts. Try compiling 20 years of facts into a tight story, shiiit haha. I've been working on Goombata (Ray did the poster some where in here), a mob script, for almost a year and a half now. I know how it should be done and everything, but writing it on paper is a bitch. I'm in the head of these characters and I can only go as far as 30 pages. But I'm dedicated to it and always writing new material. You'll see it on the silver screen in a decade or so, lmao.

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by FTL
Boogeyman87, you think you have it bad with your scripts. Try compiling 20 years of facts into a tight story, shiiit haha. I've been working on Goombata (Ray did the poster some where in here), a mob script, for almost a year and a half now. I know how it should be done and everything, but writing it on paper is a bitch. I'm in the head of these characters and I can only go as far as 30 pages. But I'm dedicated to it and always writing new material. You'll see it on the silver screen in a decade or so, lmao.

Well if theres an invitation to the red carpet premiere then i'll be there.;) And i actually dont write scripts. I write storys, so i dont have to deal with all the little details and facts of a script. I actually have this little idea in the back of my head right now. Not for story really, but more for a inde sort of film. Its interesting.

[FTL]

Even if you were writing it in story form, it would be a lot of shit combusted into it. Maybe even longer.

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by FTL
Even if you were writing it in story form, it would be a lot of shit combusted into it. Maybe even longer.

I'm thinking about branching off from horror and science fition. Maybe a coming of age tale, or a autobiography? I'm gonna think about this one.

[FTL]

I would recommend you try your hand at shit that could make an impact.

[ten31]

Originally posted by Boogeyman1978


Does anyone in here use Final Draft to write their scripts? If so, i think there's a problem with the formatting on mine and i dont know quite how to fix it.

I just bought Final Draft for $200 Canadian. It's a nice little program.

[SpawnOfEvil]

Hey everyone. I'm new to the site and haven't gotten 20 posts up yet to make a brand new post so I'm putting this in a reply because I just HAVE to know.

I have a story idea for a Halloween 9 that I wanna write. Yes I know there's been alot with the 9 title but I honest to God thought this up before I even found this place.

So my idea is...
The story starts off with a prologue of Michael waking up in the hospital at the end of Resurrection. He kills the nurse, then kills a male-nurse who comes in to assist the nurse in the autopsy and examination. He rips off his old melted mask, strips off his torn, burnt up outfit and changes into the uniform of the male-nurse, which includes the cap and face mask that they wear and leaves the hospital, and goes home.

Now when Chapter 1 starts it's ONE YEAR LATER and I introduce Tommy Doyle, living with his wife Kara Strode and step son Danny Strode who is now 15 years old. Little Stephen Doyle(his adopted name) is 6 years old and living with him, thinking they're his mother and father. Also in the story is Stephen's godmother, Lindsay Wallace and her daughter Tracy who is around Danny's age. For a side note and for the sake of some more victims, Danny is in a garage metal band with four other people.

Now, back to Michael. We see him in the beginning of Chapter 2. He's been lurking in his house for a year, still in the outfit he stole(which isn't like his Halloween outfit). All of a sudden, Dr. Wynn appears in his black coat and hat with a new mask and outfit for Michael(this is the only idea I have for Michael to get his old look back or I may just say he has it). Wynn shows up and tells Michael he knows where Stephen is and reminds him of who the boy is and that he must kill him. Michael actually doesn't want to kill Stephen so he goes awol and kills Wynn then travels to the town where Tommy and Kara live to kill them and retrieve Stephen. My alternate idea is that he agrees to kill Stephen but kills Wynn anyway because from how it looked in Halloween 6, he wanted to kill Wynn but he escaped.

So what's everyone think, should I write this? Oh..and script or written story. Give me opinions on it. Thanks. Catch everyone later.

[ten31]

I say it doesn't matter what anyone else says if you should write your script or not. If you are feeling the story then write until you can't write no more. I will give you one tip though. In your opening it would be the female coroner not the female nurse.

Mark

[SpawnOfEvil]

Ah. I see. Thank you very much for the tip.

But does that sound like a cool idea for the plot? Or should I have Michael trying to kill little Stephen?

Oh yeah and also, I messed up on the timeframe. Stephen'd be 9 or 10, not 7. Sorry bout that for any who noticed.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

The idea doesn't sound half bad. I was gonna mention the thing about Stephen's age, but you caught it. ;) Really, I think it would be an interesting read.

And by the way, check out the script that Remicis and I wrote..."Halloween: Spirits of the Dead." It's here in the library somewhere. Based on your story idea, I think you'd really like our script.

[SpawnOfEvil]

I read y'alls script Evil. I must say I am very impressed. I enjoyed it very much. I was imagining the opening scene in my head and when I pictured the sounds and score music that could fit it, it just sent chills up my spine. Keep up the good work!

Started my script last night. I've actually been writing it in a notebook at school then when I get home I transfer it to the computer. I'm not trying to throw Michael into it too early but the idea I had for an opening sequence before the titles was just irrisistable. I'm having it start off at 8 when Freddie kicks Michael into the wires and blows up the garage. After Michael gets out of the hospital(where he obtains a new outfit from a paramedic) he goes looking for a new mask. I couldn't think of how to get him one, but then I remember how Freddie dressed up as Michael. So assuming he'd gather up all his props and equipment from the house before going home, I figured he'd have the mask. So Michael goes to his home to get it and while there, there's a few more deaths before the story skips time a year or two ahead and introduces the other main characters.

Well, that's all I'm gonna tell, because I don't wanna give everything away before people get a chance to read it. So when I finish it, I should be able to make my own new posts on here by then so I'll have it up a.s.a.p!

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Glad you liked the script, Spawn...look forward to reading yours. :D

[FTL]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
Glad you liked the script, Spawn...look forward to reading yours. :D


Bitch, you read mine first. It's up and every thang.

[Cruel Intentions]

I'd like to write a script, but have never had time.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by FTL
Bitch, you read mine first. It's up and every thang.
True...after reading that blurb in your signature, how can I resist? ;)

[FTL]

Hahaha. I put that shit up for extra coverage. Everybody is jerking off to your script. I only have 4 positive reviews, and one "it was ok." :D

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by FTL
Hahaha. I put that shit up for extra coverage. Everybody is jerking off to your script. I only have 4 positive reviews, and one "it was ok." :D
Well, you can count on another "it was OK" from me, if nothing else. ;)

[zombie commando]

This is a great thread. Very informative. I think I may actually write one of my next stories using the correct format.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Formatting can be FUN! Okay...maybe "fun" is too strong a word. Perhaps "habit-forming" is more fitting.

Me, I like this thread because I've been able to prove that I am familiar with proper formatting (a matter which came into question back in the days of the UHMB). ;)

Besides, it's just fun to talk to other aspiring screenwriters. :D

[Franchise]

Are extended sex scenes good or no? I'm a novice at this kind of stuff.

[FTL]

Originally posted by Franchise
Are extended sex scenes good or no?


As long as it's HLA.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by FTL
As long as it's HLA.
Hollywood Libertarian Army?
High Level Architecture?
Health Law Advocates?

[FTL]

Er...uhhh...no...

Hot Lesbian Action!

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by FTL
Er...uhhh...no...

Hot Lesbian Action!
Ah...gotcha. LOL

[ten31]

Originally posted by Franchise
Are extended sex scenes good or no? I'm a novice at this kind of stuff.

My production partner and I always say if you can't write/direct a decent script/movie. Then add in tons of TNA. Just look at Lep in Space. We always laugh our asses off when out of no where a space girl takes her top off and does her scene.

[myers maniac]

Originally posted by FTL
The following are notes for anyone interested in writing a screenplay. So, you have an awesome Halloween story in your head, think it could be the next big thing, and want to turn it into a script. Trouble is, you don't know what to do. So, here are a couple pointers for you:

Make sure to adhere to script format (a detailed breakdown in a moment). While script format also adds a certain amount of credibility and respect to the script, it also makes it infinitely more readable. Without script format, posters will have to strain their eyes to read, which makes it all the more likely they'll simply close the window and move on with their lives.

A typical screenplay should run anywhere from 100 to 120 pages in length (one page = one minute of screentime. Hence a 1 hr. 40 min. to 2 hr. running time). The proper font to use is Courier or Courier New, 12-pt.

In 99% of all cases, screenplays can be broken down into three individual acts. Act I is your introduction and should last anywhere from 15 to 25 pages in length. This is where you introduce your characters, get the audience interested, and the like. Act II introduces your problem, some obstacle the main character(s) must overcome. This will be the longest segment of the script, usually taking up around 60 pages. And finally, you wrap things up in Act III, which is your conclusion and generally has the main character defeating his nemesis.

Each scene in a script begins with a slugline. This will usually read like INT. MYERS HOUSE - NIGHT. The "INT." stands for interior shot (inside). This can be replaced with "EXT." (exterior -> outside), or "INT./EXT.," if the scene moves from inside to outside. "MYERS HOUSE" is the location of the scene, and "NIGHT" refers to time of day (usually coming down to "DAWN," MORNING," "DAY," "DUSK," and "NIGHT").

Dialogue is broken down into what we call "Cues." Generally, a Cue reads something like this:

LAURIE [character name]
(angry) [emotion -- typically not necessary]
So, are you doing okay with this script thing
or not? [Dialogue]

Dialogue is what people actually say, so try to make it as realistic as possible. Bad dialogue sticks out like a sore thumb.

If you have any other questions, PM The Dark Shape, or e-mail him at BladeSaga@aol.com or PM me, the author...

Or feel free to ask questions here if we haven't covered something that you want to know. That could be more helpful and possibly answer most questions faster. There's a good book on the market called (How NOT to write a screenplay - $17.95) YOU'LL LEARN QUICKLY(WHAT NOT TO DO)........Happy Reading!

[myers maniac]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
Ah...gotcha. LOL What the HELL is LOL
is it LATER ON LOSER......PERHAPS!

[FTL]

LOL = laughing out loud

[HorrorManiac34]

Can someone tell me the proper margins for the script itself and the margins for when you have dialogue. This would be of great help to me.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Margins are as follows:

1.5" left margin
1" top and right margins
Bottom margin is variable...1"-1.5"

Character names (above dialogue) are indented about 2.5" from the left margin (so 4" from the left edge of the paper).

Dialogue is indented 1" from both the left and the right margin...so it starts 2.5" from the left edge of the paper and runs until 2" from the right edge.

Parenthetic direction is indented 1.5" from the left margin.

This format varies slightly from one script to the next...but you get the idea.

[myers maniac]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
The toughest thing to master is the margins. If you're hellbent on writing scripts in proper format, learn those margins. From there, it's all cake. The rules change frequently, though...some things which were standard five years ago are considered pretty archaic now. So try to stay current.

I don't really think it's necessary for fan scripts that you post online to be perfectly formatted, though...putting them on the web will generally screw up the formatting, anyway. But if you ever want to write a serious script, definitely learn your formatting.

Also, anyone who wants to write and market their own scripts should definitely own a copy of The Screenwriter's Bible. It was really invaluable when I first started writing screenplays. If you can afford it just buy...MOVIE MAGIC SCREENWRITER 2000. It sells for about $249.99 i picked up a copy at COMP USA for around $189.99 it formats everything automatically no muss no fuss...good luck with your script.

[ten31]

Originally posted by myers maniac
If you can afford it just buy...MOVIE MAGIC SCREENWRITER 2000. It sells for about $249.99 i picked up a copy at COMP USA for around $189.99 it formats everything automatically no muss no fuss...good luck with your script.

I use Final Draft 7 myself. I really like the program. It makes it a lot easier and takes out the worry about formatting so all you have to think about what to write next.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

I've used the programs, but I'd rather just do the formatting myself...I'm an old school freak, I know. Just feels better to me...I'm more comfortable with setting my own margins for some reason, and when I'm comfortable, I write better shit. A lot of people love the programs and I recommend them to anyone who doesn't feel that they have the time or the patience to continually set and reset their margins. But even though it can be a pain in the ass, I still like to do it the old fashioned way.

[ten31]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
I've used the programs, but I'd rather just do the formatting myself...I'm an old school freak, I know. Just feels better to me...I'm more comfortable with setting my own margins for some reason, and when I'm comfortable, I write better shit. A lot of people love the programs and I recommend them to anyone who doesn't feel that they have the time or the patience to continually set and reset their margins. But even though it can be a pain in the ass, I still like to do it the old fashioned way.

Whatever works to help you along with the writing process. For me it was more of a pain in the ass making sure everything was formatted correctly. Plus even with a 12 point couriour(sp?) in word prints larger than both Final draft and movie magic for some reason.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Yeah, I can see how it could break up someone's flow while writing...which can be a huge problem if the "on the spot" formatting distracts you from what you're writing and how you want to handle it, etc. I thought the programs would make the process easier (and it does, in many ways), but for me, it just...I don't know...didn't feel right. I'm glad the programs are out there, though...cuz it makes it so much easier for people who really hate the formatting aspect of screenwriting.

[Killer of Evil]

I have an idea for a script.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 9: Freddy's Apprentice

I'll say the plot, but I haven't done the story yet.

It takes place after FvJ. Freddy is beaten and gotten rid of. In the summer of 2003 a kid named Franklin Koster has moved to Springwood. He starts his freshman high school year and is tormented. He is picked on, humiliated, and tormented. It happens all the way to his senior year. He gets picked on by everyone. The jocks and cheerleaders pick on him the most. He also gets picked on by the skateboarders and even by the non popular people. One night he is bored and searches on the internet for information about Springwood. He sees an article in the Cleveland newspaper about a horrible serial killer named Freddy Krueger. He's looking up stuff about Springwood for a school project. That night he has a small dream about a boiler room. Th next day in school when he gives his report, and mentions Freddy, all the students act scared, and the teacher fails him. At the end of school, he gets beaten worse then he ever has before. That night he dreams about the boiler room again, but this time Freddy shows himself. He tells Franklin that he's alot like himself at his age. Franklin is scared, but listens. Freddy says if he helps him get power, that Franklin will share his power. So Franklin agrees, and the terror comes to Elm Street again.

[Killer of Evil]

Anyone like my story, or does it need some work. If it's bad, I have a second idea.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by Killer of Evil
I have an idea for a script.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 9: Freddy's Apprentice

I'll say the plot, but I haven't done the story yet.

It takes place after FvJ. Freddy is beaten and gotten rid of. In the summer of 2003 a kid named Franklin Koster has moved to Springwood. He starts his freshman high school year and is tormented. He is picked on, humiliated, and tormented. It happens all the way to his senior year. He gets picked on by everyone. The jocks and cheerleaders pick on him the most. He also gets picked on by the skateboarders and even by the non popular people. One night he is bored and searches on the internet for information about Springwood. He sees an article in the Cleveland newspaper about a horrible serial killer named Freddy Krueger. He's looking up stuff about Springwood for a school project. That night he has a small dream about a boiler room. Th next day in school when he gives his report, and mentions Freddy, all the students act scared, and the teacher fails him. At the end of school, he gets beaten worse then he ever has before. That night he dreams about the boiler room again, but this time Freddy shows himself. He tells Franklin that he's alot like himself at his age. Franklin is scared, but listens. Freddy says if he helps him get power, that Franklin will share his power. So Franklin agrees, and the terror comes to Elm Street again.
Technically, this isn't the thread to discuss your plots. It's a place to discuss the structure of screenplays, and a place to come to ask questions about structure, format, etc. In future, if you want to get feedback on a plotline you're working with, start a thread about your script.

As for your idea, it reminds me a bit of NoES Part 2, but slightly tweaked. Could be good if you developed it further. ;)

[movieslasher]

There are some great programs out there to write screenplays with. or you could always read Lyyod Kaufmans book about everythign you need to know about making your own independent films.

[HorrorManiac34]

Is there a right or wrong way to do a death scene in a screenplay.

Like can someone give me an example of a death scene so I know to formate it in my screenplay.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by HorrorManiac34
Is there a right or wrong way to do a death scene in a screenplay.

Like can someone give me an example of a death scene so I know to formate it in my screenplay.
The best way to do it is to simply describe the action dynamically, but briefly...don't take up much space with it. Also, any prominent or important actions, sounds, props, etc., can be placed in all caps...such as:

"John STRANGLES Tom with the T.V. cord."
"Immediately, there is a GUNSHOT from the hall."
"Tom glances up and sees the KNIFE in John's hand."

Really, you want to keep the writing interesting, but simple. Don't get overly descriptive. Just describe what happens...that's what scripts are for...they're outlines, not novels.

[HorrorManiac34]

can someone give me tips for streching ideas into longer scripts.

I also write a screenplay and it is never any longer than 40 or 50 pages. So can someone give me some tips for making them longer

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by HorrorManiac34
can someone give me tips for streching ideas into longer scripts.

I also write a screenplay and it is never any longer than 40 or 50 pages. So can someone give me some tips for making them longer
40 or 50 pages can be a good starting point. If you want to stretch things out, that can be done in revisions. I don't recommend trying to do it while writing a first draft. But after you've written your first draft, go through it and rewrite the whole thing. Flesh your scenes out...give the characters and situations more depth. Look for any gaps, find situations that were perhaps mentioned, but not shown...expand upon those. Create new situations, as well. The more you read your script, the more ideas will come to you for how to add to it. Basically, you have to devote a lot of time to your script to get it where you want it. I wrote the first draft of my first script when I was 16. It was 18 pages long. My final draft for that same script was 110 pages long. How did I do it? By writing about 20 drafts in between. Keep at it until it satisfies you.

[HorrorManiac34]

Can someone tell me the difference between these. I always read this in screenplays and don't know what the difference is between them.

CUT TO
SHOCK CUT TO
JUMP CUT TO
and so-on

Can someone tell me the difference between these. I know what a CUT TO is but what is the difference between that and the others I have listed

[The Dark Shape]

Forget about them - they're not important when writing a script. These days, even basic transitions like "CUT TO:" are frowned upon.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Yeah...I could tell you the difference between jump cuts and smash cuts and everything else, but that's technical jargon used by the people who make movies...directors, cinematographers, editors, etc. You don't need to know that to write a script, and you shouldn't use any technical terms at all. Cuts and angles are pretty much off limits to the screenwriter...they're within the domain of the director.

[The Dark Shape]

Exactly. If you want to change angles between characters, don't do "CLOSE UP: ALISON," just write your paragraph, then

ALISON

and continue like this. With each new slug line the reader assumes it's a new scene. If a word is put in CAPS, and then the sentence continues below it, it can reasonbly be assumed you're changing camera angles.

But don't be too specific. It's the director's job to direct -- it's your job to write.

[theshape311]

Originally posted by Franchise
I'd write a script, but it'd be about doing squat thrusts and how I'd date this hot woman and kill her dog in the microwave and then fillet her innards with a skewering stick. It'd be so brutal. It'd all start with "So, I was doing these squat thrusts...". It'd be bad!

[ten31]

Originally posted by Franchise
I'd write a script, but it'd be about doing squat thrusts and how I'd date this hot woman and kill her dog in the microwave and then fillet her innards with a skewering stick. It'd be so brutal. It'd all start with "So, I was doing these squat thrusts...". It'd be bad!

I bet Dimension would give you a three picture deal.

[FTL]

Squat Thrusts Trilogy

[ten31]

Originally posted by FTL
Squat Thrusts Trilogy

Yeah it could be an epic.

[MyersFan75]

EOTL...I must applaud you for your great work formatting Halloween: Spirits of the Dead.

It's a great script - but thinking of each page as a minute, 168 pgs. would be a pretty long Halloween movie.

We're talking 2 hours and 48 minutes here or somethin' like that.

Oh well, the longer the better....especially with great material like yours.

Later,
MyersFan75

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by MyersFan75
EOTL...I must applaud you for your great work formatting Halloween: Spirits of the Dead.

It's a great script - but thinking of each page as a minute, 168 pgs. would be a pretty long Halloween movie.

We're talking 2 hours and 48 minutes here or somethin' like that.

Oh well, the longer the better....especially with great material like yours.

Later,
MyersFan75
Thanks. I think that the way we originally had it formatted (which, as some were quick to point out, wasn't correct), it was only 122 pages. Still long, to be certain (90 pages would be a more appropriate length), but as it's just a script and will never be filmed, we didn't feel the need to trim it from that length. We did eliminate certain things in order to get it down to 122 pages, though...we didn't want to go completely overboard.

The two main reasons that the SotD script is so long are:

a) The great deal of exposition that was necessary in order to link the series. We had to explain how it was possible for both H4-H6 and H20-H:R to exist within the same film universe...but H20 and H:R had done such a thorough job of ignoring H4-H6 that it took a lot of thinking on Rem's part in order to explain away all of the inconsistencies, and a lot of streamlining on my part to get the exposition down to a managable size. It's still a lot, but anything that wasn't absolutely necessary was omitted, and I think that all of the exposition in the script was very much needed.

b) Rem's narrative descriptions. If we'd intended to make a script for submission, I would have immediately gutted all of Rem's descriptions, turning lengthy narrative paragraphs into brief descriptions. But since the script was only going to be posted online, I felt that it wasn't necessary to do that, and Rem's narrative was so beautifully written that I didn't want to change it any more than I had to. I think it helps readers of the script to really picture the action. In truth, our script is more like a blend of screenplay and novel, as Rem is a novelist, not a screenwriter, and his descriptions reflect that. Which works well for an online script...but if we'd wanted to sell this or shoot it ourselves, I would have ripped most of that narrative out and replaced it with something much more simple and space-efficient.

[MyersFan75]

Take it offline and then send it in.
That would be a hella' lot better than Resurrection and maybe even H20.
Of course then we go to H4 and H5 - which you could possible beat.
It was a HUGE mistake to seperate the series - it's the series' own death wish, and if you are to connect it...the series could be saved.

Come on...send it in.

I can only wish to see an ad in a theater...OMG.
Halloween: Spirits of the Dead.

Someone whip up a poster NOW!!

Later,
MyersFan75

[kerrsth]

nice to know...although ive had some good scripts for halloween 9 written for a while...i will type them up and post them soon!

[The Dark Shape]

There's no way Spirits of the Dead would work as a true sequel, because a huge chunk of your audience now has never seen the middle three films. Referencing them is fine, but having your plot revolve around them would just cause headaches. In terms of adjusted gross, H20 made more than 4, 5, and 6 combined.

When I write scripts, I generally either ignore those three films, or just work them in slightly. About the only time I ever went truly in-depth trying to work them into the mythology was Past Tense, and even then, it's more for Laurie's character than anything else.

But man, Rem and EOTL, isn't it a total bitch making it all work? :p

[MyersFan75]

I wouldn't care quite frankly - If the chance was every given, I would be the first to hop on and send it in.
I understand what you mean, but the script is just written in such a great Halloween-ish way.

It feels like Halloween and reminds me of H6, of course.
H6 had a perfect dark mood and tone and it felt like a Halloween movie.
Even if the films continued the H20 and HR storyline, the producers could always go back to the middle trilogy if it was included in a movie.
It's just kind of like a safety precaution - quite frankly all for the cash.

I mean, if they at least add it in the movie, then they could always go back to the "20 Years Later" type deal w/ another storyline.
Kind of do the thing they did w/ Laurie for a character out of the middle trilogy.

I'm sure the majority of people who know the Halloween series have figured out they dropped H4-H6. I don't think it would be too bad as to go back to the middle and have people confused.
Besides, isn't that what they did w/ H20?

[FTL]

It could be an Oliver Stone cover-up flick. It always reminded me a little bit of his style....couldn't there just be a montage of scenes from previous sequels as they discuss the mysteries?

[MMyers89]

K, so what is the correct way to write dialogue? Is it:

Laurie: Hello Michael, what took you so long?

Or is it:

LAURIE
Hello Michael, what took you so long?

[MMyers89]

Also, do you put in when music plays?

And do you put in an opening credits scene like:

"Credits Roll"

And do you put in fade ins/outs and fade to blacks?

So for example it I was writing the H5, would I put for the opneing credits:

Black screen. Halloween 5 fades on screen. A knife slases though the darkness. This continues on through the credits until a Jack O' Lantern is revealed at the end. Fade to...

[ten31]

MMyers89


Writing dialogue will always have the characters name on top in capitols with the dialogue beneath it.

LAURIE
Hello Michael, what took you so long.

The only way you put music into your script is if it can be heard playing in the actual room/car/location

[FTL]

Originally posted by MMyers89
K, so what is the correct way to write dialogue? Is it:

Laurie: Hello Michael, what took you so long?

Or is it:

LAURIE
Hello Michael, what took you so long?

Also, do you put in when music plays?


1. your 2nd choice

2. No

I write my own screenplays and intend to direct my own shit since I don't trust anyone else with my own material...so I normally have little music notes in parentheses next to the action.

[MMyers89]

K thanks guys. I'm trying to make my H9 MUCH better, so just making sure about all that stuff.

[FTL]

Originally posted by MMyers89
So for example it I was writing the H5, would I put for the opneing credits:

Black screen. Halloween 5 fades on screen. A knife slases though the darkness. This continues on through the credits until a Jack O' Lantern is revealed at the end. Fade to...


BLACK SCREEN

Insert MAIN TITLE: HALLOWEEN 5

A knife slashes through the darkness. This continues
on through the CREDITS until a Jack O' Lantern is
revealed at the end.

FADE IN/TO BLACK

whatever you want. heh. Some thing I rolled together after eyeing some QT oldie scripts.

[MMyers89]

Ok, thank you very much.

[MMyers89]

I know you don't specify camera angles and such, but would I put in a POV shot if there was one?

Example:

POV of The Shape as he watches Jane walk up her driveway.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

POV shots can be included, but it's best to reserve them for when the audience isn't supposed to know from whose POV the shot is taken. In these cases, it's best to treat the POV as its own character. Example:


The POV trudges steadily forward, closing in on Jane. Sensing danger, Jane whips around to see

THE SHAPE


Something like that. Otherwise, shots are generally left for the director to determine.

Also, capitalizing "THE SHAPE" as I did and setting it apart from the rest of the sentence with a double-return indicates a jarring moment, with the indication that a close-up of The Shape might be appropriate at this time. This is a subtle way of getting your point across without actually using words (like "close-up") that professional readers, studio types, and directors don't like to see in scripts. ;)

[MMyers89]

Ok, thanks for all the help guys.

[The Dark Shape]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
POV shots can be included, but it's best to reserve them for when the audience isn't supposed to know from whose POV the shot is taken. In these cases, it's best to treat the POV as its own character. Example:


The POV trudges steadily forward, closing in on Jane. Sensing danger, Jane whips around to see

THE SHAPE


Something like that. Otherwise, shots are generally left for the director to determine.

Also, capitalizing "THE SHAPE" as I did and setting it apart from the rest of the sentence with a double-return indicates a jarring moment, with the indication that a close-up of The Shape might be appropriate at this time. This is a subtle way of getting your point across without actually using words (like "close-up") that professional readers, studio types, and directors don't like to see in scripts. ;)

I may be three weeks late, but EOTL is most definitely right here. Whenever I want to indicate a new shot, or a sudden entrance of a new character, I'll capitalize their name and set it a line below the action, almost as though it were a camera direction.

For instance, this is from the season finale of Angel I'm writing for Monster Zero Productions (www.virtual-mutant.co.uk for those interested ;)):

INT. HYPERION - ANGEL’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

She’s furious, and he’s not much better.

ANGEL
We can talk about this later.

Her mouth opens, but she can’t find the words. She spares one last look at Angel and then rips open the door, ready to bolt -

SPIKE

is standing there, a look of menace on his face that we haven’t seen for years.

SPIKE
You did what with who?

[45 Lampkin Lane]

This thread played a part in the writing of my script: Halloween 9: The Night of the Boogeyman. Thanks, and I will post my script soon.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by 45 Lampkin Lane
This thread played a part in the writing of my script: Halloween 9: The Night of the Boogeyman. Thanks, and I will post my script soon.
Cool...look forward to it.

[45 Lampkin Lane]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
Cool...look forward to it.

Thanks, just got started but plan to be finished sometime this summer.

[boogeyman87]

WTF, when I go back to retype something, you know add to it the words I'm typing replace what I have written down. So all the new material erases what I already have written down. This happens sometimes, how do I fix this?

[MMyers89]

Originally posted by boogeyman87
WTF, when I go back to retype something, you know add to it the words I'm typing replace what I have written down. So all the new material erases what I already have written down. This happens sometimes, how do I fix this?

Hit the "insert" key on your keyboard. It should be above the "delete" key. It turns the overstrike on and off.

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by MMyers89
Hit the "insert" key on your keyboard. It should be above the "delete" key. It turns the overstrike on and off.

Thanks, I lost a bit of a story but I now know whats been causing that to happen. Gracias Sean.

[MMyers89]

Originally posted by boogeyman87
Thanks, I lost a bit of a story but I now know whats been causing that to happen. Gracias Sean.

Yep, anytime Chris. That happened to me once, during the writing of my H9, and I didn't know what the hell to do. So I was SOOOO careful not to make a mistake where I would have to type something in. Yeah, that was a hard time in my writing process.

[HorrorManiac34]

How would you go from the scene into a news event on the television?

[MMyers89]

This is how it is in my script:


John gets up and turns on the TV. The news is on.

Reporter JAMIE BOWEN is reporting.

JAMIE BOWEN (on TV)
Good morning, I’m Jamie Bowen. I am outside the morgue where they took the body of Michael Myers last night. This is the scene of another gruesome murder. The morgue attendant that was seeing to Michael Myers was killed last night. The body of Myers is nowhere to be found. Everybody in the town and surrounding towns of Haddonfield needs to be on high alert. We believe that Michael Myers may still be alive and at large. He is extremely dangerous. We urge you to not be alone today, and do not go out after dark. Jamie Bowen, WWAR news, Channel 5.

[sam loomis421]

mine goes, hello im heather bowen standing where some say michael myers walked out of the haddonfield morgue last night in this very area a body was found zipped up in side the morgue the body was of a young woman who worked here everybody run ohh hes killing me it hurts ohh ohhh ohhh runnnnnnn runnnnn

[NightmareMaster]

Hi, sorry to bring this thread back up since its, gone to the bottom of the screen. I have a first draft of a script I have been writing, its not finished, I just started it, but I would like to get some feed back on it, in my opinion, the script is pretty messed up, and I know I have it written down all wrong, I made some grammar mistakes, I wrote my script, in the wrong format, and have some spelling mistakes, should I be worried about making it look perfect at this point? probably not, its only a first draft, I have plenty of time to fix it later.
but can you look over it, and give me some feed back. The story is kind of racy. This is my first time writing a screen play.

Upstate Madness, City of Demons

Screen play by Charles A.



First draft ENT. Theme music:
Aug/21/05.




INT. NEW YORK STRIP CLUB-Night

Narrator:

Red signs flash across the roof top of the brick building, live girls, XXX, pleasure valley, inside the sound of broken glass can be heard, and men make cat calls their eyes wide as saucers.
The club is big, with lots of bright lights most of which are on the stage. A man takes a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and flicks a lighter; the flames of the lighter are so thick and high, that the cigarette seems to be engulfed in the flames, a group of men sitting on stools next to him, look at him; he stares back at them, they must have never seen cool before, he turns and looks at the bartender.



Man: Bring me a stone cold beer, and hurry it up, I got to get me some woman.

His name is Jack Moon, 34 years old, and a former marine, he got discharged a few years ago and thrown in jail, no one knows why, they think its because he killed a man, Jackie boy kill a man, that would never work, he’s too smart to ever get himself in that kind of a mess. He’s a good looking man, with smooth stubble and three earrings in his left ear, he’s muscular and wears a muscle shirt and a green army shirt unbuttoned over top, he’s got jet black hair which is slicked back by gel, his brown eyes shine in the light giving a glow to him that makes him seem almost God like. The bartender sets the beer on the table, Jack takes it, his eyes careen around the bar trying to pick out the choice woman of the night, he looks across the room and sees a stripper dancing on stage, something about her catches his eye, he watches her closely, his eyes fixed on her, her sexy moves, her long silky hair and great legs and wild curves, she move around the poles real nice, she is tall and a real wild dancer too. She leans forward and strokes the cheek of a customer, who tries to grab her breast only to have his hand grabbed, she shakes her fingers at him and then licks them sliding sexily along the floor. The music slowly fades away and she gets up putting on a leather coat, sitting on chair in the corner, Jack continues watching her, his eyes transfixed on her angelic face and great body, he checks her out from top to bottom, capturing the beauty of such a creature, his mind wonders, he rubs his pockets looking for his cigarettes, there still there just as he thought, he lights a cancer stick and sees her look toward him, he blinks at her and motions for her to come over, she walks away to the back and he leaves through the front door.

EXT. Strip club:

he walks around the back of the club, and walks down the back alley, as he passes he sees her coming out of the side door of the club where all the strippers exit, she’s clinching her coat together, her long hair blows in the breeze of the cool night air, she fiddles in her jacket pocket for a her cigarettes, but she can’t find them. She walks, he walks, she stops he stops, watching her walk makes him hard, his dirty mind goes to where doesn’t exactly want it to go at the moment, to that place of sin and sex, he pushes down on the bulge in his pants, not now he thinks, someone could walk by and see me, see my pecker standing at attention. Like a dirty old man, he moans as he watches her walk, again those legs, that face, there all he can focus on, he decides its now or never, she’s already noticed him, she’s already seen him in the club, motioning at her, what’s he got to lose, he follows her, oh he follows her, checking out her ass and legs, he’d die for the chance to make love to a woman like that, a woman of beauty and seduction, he’s probably got it all planned out, he’ll do her, flip open a nice cold beer, light a cigarette and just sit back and relax, reliving the moment, when a goddess of sexiness made love to him, him a dirty old man whore, with a mean streak that could get you killed if you so much as looked at him the wrong way.

He catches up to her and takes a cigarette out of his pocket.

Jack Moon: Hey doll, I’ve got a cancer stick here for you, I noticed you looking in your pockets.

Stripper: Why are you following me? You like what you see? Huh? You like to watch a woman? Was it getting you hard watching me? Watching me dance all sexy like that? Was it getting you hard, watching my body, checking out my legs and ass? I noticed you, you didn’t think I would notice you, but I did, I did and I know your dirty mind liked what you saw. So tell me something, what you do want from a dame like me? Never mind, I already know what dirty men like you want, its written all over your face, don’t hide it, its true and you know it, you men are all the same, all us woman are to you, is play things, for your own sexual gratification, for your own sleazy play house.


He can’t hear her words, all he sees, is her sexy body, and angelic face, her words pass through his ears, all he wants is to get to know her, maybe convince her to come to his place, have a few shots of whisky and some rye, that will be enough to slow down her inhibitions, then she’ll get it on with him, and he can feel like man, because he just fucked a broad with a nice pair of legs, and an ass that would cause any other man to die of a heart attack.

The air is getting colder, and she looks like she really wants to get home, she takes the cigarette and he takes his lighter out of his pocket, and lights it for her, the flames again, engulfing the cigarette, one day he’s going to light that thing, and its going to blow up in his face.

Jack: Your one fine broad, you know that? I can’t help checking out your nice curves, your sexy legs, great ass, and your angelic face, tell me something toots, you ever been with a real man before?

She’s looking at him now, trying to figure out if he’s for real, watching him, watching the way his eyes watch her body, she knows that he’s man whore, a filthy sleazy drunken man whore, who if she was a hooker, would buy her without batting an eye for 1000 bucks.

Stripper: Yes, yes I have, and he’s more of a man then you’ll ever be sugar,

She whispers in his ear: “I don’t fuck sleazy drunks; I’m not some cheap two bit whore,
As Jack is about to answer her, she thumbs down a cab, she opens the door of the cab and Jack grabs her arm, spinning her toward him, his eyes fixed on hers, his breath so close to her face she almost gages from the smell of beer that fills his mouth.

Camera: zoom in on cab driver. The cab driver is waiting now, waiting and watching, he too is transfixed on her sexy legs and face, if she wasn’t wearing a coat, he would have had quite a show.

We move in a little on the cab driver, something doesn’t seem right about him, something odd something mysterious, his face hidden by light of the street lamps causing a shadow to be caused upon his face; all we can see are his eyes, eyes of red, Devils eyes.

Camera zooms in on cab drivers pockets.

We zoom in on the cab drivers pockets and see his hands reaching into them.




The camera moves back over to Jack.

Jack takes a cigarette out of his pocket lights it, looking over head at the tall buildings surrounding them on the busy New York streets,
Suddenly shots can be heard, the camera zooms in on the stripper and we see her laying face down on the ground, the cab rips down the street, Jack watches him, kneeling down next to her, she’s unconscious but still breathing, he begins to try to revive her, but is stopped by the sounds of police sirens wailing down the street.

The cops are coming, he better get out of there, before they nail him for it, he knows it’s the cab driver, who else could it be, the cab drive took off so fast, he could have knocked his head off, he must be guilty, no innocent person would zooms off like that, no innocent person, unless he was guilty, and the cab driver looked pretty suspicious, that hood those eyes, those fingers with their long nails, something evil about the grin that crossed his face as he looked at them, its all clear.

Jack quickly gets up and runs, but cop cars surround him from all sides.

Zoom in on Jack: Helicopter lights surround him; he backs up against a wall, and tries to shield his eyes, from the light.

Policemen: We’ve got you surrounded, surrender now, put your hands on your head, and walk toward us very slowly, Jack walks forward and the cop who is obviously in charge of the cavalry, motions for his men to take him.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

It all really depends on what your intentions are for the script. But looking at it from the point of view of actually trying to market it, or do anything else with it, other than read it to yourself or show it to your friends, here are some things to be wary of:

WAY too much description. This is a screenplay, not a novel. Your paragraphs are vast, and packed with run-on sentences. This is fine if you're writing the script strictly for your own amusement, or the entertainment of a few others who might want to read it (as Remicis did with his descriptions in SotD)...but if you actually wanted to submit this to anyone, they wouldn't read more than a page of it...in fact, you'd be lucky if they did more than just scan the first page before tossing it aside. And no matter what...even if this is just for fun...lose the run-ons. A script should be clean and to-the-point. Less is more, and the more white space on your page, the better.

You've also packed the scene with camera angles and direction...and I mean packed...there's a ton of angles, zooms, pans, etc. in there. A screenplay should contain no camera angles, and no camera direction...and should avoid, at all costs, the use of phrases like "We see..." and "We hear...." That kind of "audience POV" can be used once or twice if it's absolutely necessary...but usually, it isn't. There are simpler ways to get your point across. And someone who's reading a script (especially someone who reads them for a living) would much rather read this:

"The man leaps from the bridge as a foghorn bellows in the distance."

than this:

"We see the man leap from the bridge as we hear a foghorn bellow in the distance."

The constant repetition of the word "we" can really grate on a reader's nerves after a while...especially someone who reads scripts all day long. Your script should be a pleasure to read...not a chore.

As for formatting, you should fix it now. If you just started, it's a hell of a lot easier to go back and fix what you've got already, then type the rest in proper format as you go along. Reformatting the whole thing later on will be extremely difficult by comparison. Trust me on this...I've had to reformat entire scripts, and it's the most tedious, vile thing you can imagine.

And where it says "She whispers in his ear: 'I don’t fuck sleazy drunks; I’m not some cheap two bit whore'," this dialogue should be contained in the same block of dialogue as her previous lines. It's still dialogue and shouldn't be in a descriptive paragraph.

And why does it say "Narrator" at the top of the page? You don't really want a narrator to read the stuff in that first paragraph, do you? If so, why? It makes no sense. Again, less is more. You don't need a narrator...and overall narration is often considered lazy screenwriting. There are a million ways to imply things about a character without having a narrator recite them...and it's much better to simply show atmosphere than it is to have a narrator drill it into the audience.

There's more I could say here, but I think that's enough for now. Understand that I'm not picking on you...I realize that you're new to all of this and you don't really know the ropes yet. I'm just trying to offer some constructive criticism and steer you in the right direction. I'm assuming that's what you were looking for. The Dos and Don'ts of Screenwriting are tough to master, but it's worthwhile to do so...you'll find that your scripts are tighter, sleeker, and look a hell of a lot better once you've got them down.

[NightmareMaster]

Originally posted by EvilOnTwoLegs
It all really depends on what your intentions are for the script. But looking at it from the point of view of actually trying to market it, or do anything else with it, other than read it to yourself or show it to your friends, here are some things to be wary of:

WAY too much description. This is a screenplay, not a novel. Your paragraphs are vast, and packed with run-on sentences. This is fine if you're writing the script strictly for your own amusement, or the entertainment of a few others who might want to read it (as Remicis did with his descriptions in SotD)...but if you actually wanted to submit this to anyone, they wouldn't read more than a page of it...in fact, you'd be lucky if they did more than just scan the first page before tossing it aside. And no matter what...even if this is just for fun...lose the run-ons. A script should be clean and to-the-point. Less is more, and the more white space on your page, the better.

You've also packed the scene with camera angles and direction...and I mean packed...there's a ton of angles, zooms, pans, etc. in there. A screenplay should contain no camera angles, and no camera direction...and should avoid, at all costs, the use of phrases like "We see..." and "We hear...." That kind of "audience POV" can be used once or twice if it's absolutely necessary...but usually, it isn't. There are simpler ways to get your point across. And someone who's reading a script (especially someone who reads them for a living) would much rather read this:

"The man leaps from the bridge as a foghorn bellows in the distance."

than this:

"We see the man leap from the bridge as we hear a foghorn bellow in the distance."

The constant repetition of the word "we" can really grate on a reader's nerves after a while...especially someone who reads scripts all day long. Your script should be a pleasure to read...not a chore.

As for formatting, you should fix it now. If you just started, it's a hell of a lot easier to go back and fix what you've got already, then type the rest in proper format as you go along. Reformatting the whole thing later on will be extremely difficult by comparison. Trust me on this...I've had to reformat entire scripts, and it's the most tedious, vile thing you can imagine.

And where it says "She whispers in his ear: 'I don’t fuck sleazy drunks; I’m not some cheap two bit whore'," this dialogue should be contained in the same block of dialogue as her previous lines. It's still dialogue and shouldn't be in a descriptive paragraph.

And why does it say "Narrator" at the top of the page? You don't really want a narrator to read the stuff in that first paragraph, do you? If so, why? It makes no sense. Again, less is more. You don't need a narrator...and overall narration is often considered lazy screenwriting. There are a million ways to imply things about a character without having a narrator recite them...and it's much better to simply show atmosphere than it is to have a narrator drill it into the audience.

There's more I could say here, but I think that's enough for now. Understand that I'm not picking on you...I realize that you're new to all of this and you don't really know the ropes yet. I'm just trying to offer some constructive criticism and steer you in the right direction. I'm assuming that's what you were looking for. The Dos and Don'ts of Screenwriting are tough to master, but it's worthwhile to do so...you'll find that your scripts are tighter, sleeker, and look a hell of a lot better once you've got them down. Thank you very much EOTL, your a great critic, Your honest, you don't sugarcoat things, your fast and to the point, I would take what you said over someone telling me it was great any day, because I love constructive criticism from people who don't sugar coat me, I have had alot of experince with Criticism before so I would never think your picking on me.
When I was trying to learn Journalism and writing, my uncle did'nt sugar coat my writing, he took his red pen and he went over everything, spelling mistakes, grammar, paragraphing, and he really laid it into me about the article, I admit because I am a perfectionist, it is very frustrating, to show people my stuff and ask for help, because I don't want to feel embrassed, but I am always trying to take that leap one at a time, I give myself pep talks, and say it does'nt matter what people think, the only thing that matters is how I perceive it. But again, thank you for your brutal honesty. Now I can see that its tougher then I thought.
Thank you.

[NightmareMaster]

I was wondering if somebody would be able to tell me, what's wrong here. I have the Courier New 12- but the size of my script is big, I can't really show it on here, since it won't show it in that size, Can anbody tell me, what the problem maybe, because I did'nt fiddle around with anything else, except to make the font size 12 and to make sure it was one of the Couriers. And I am still trying to figure out the whole margin thing, how to set it up perfectly, but I already read alot of the stuff Eotl posted about that, so I am just taking my time, trying to first learn the ropes abit, find out something, and get as much constructive criticism as I can, once I know enough, then everything will fall into place, I am not hoping that it will be easy, obviously it is'nt, so I will keep punching away.

Upstate Madness, City of Demons


Screenplay by Charles A.





First draft ENT. Theme Aug/21/05. Music


INT. NEW YORK STRIP CLUB-Night


Fade into red signs flashings across the roof top of a tall brick building, live girls, XXX, pleasure valley. Inside the sound of broken glass can be heard, and the men make cat calls their eyes wide as saucers.
The club is big, with lots of bright lights most of which are on the stage. A man takes a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and flicks a lighter; the flames of the lighter are so thick and high, that the cigarette seems to be engulfed in the flames, a group of men sitting on stools next to him, look at him; he stares back at them, they must have never seen cool before, he turns and looks at the bartender.



Man:

Bring me a stone cold beer, and hurry it up, I got to get me some woman.

Jack Moon, 34 years old, and a former marine. He’s a good looking man with the face of a young Marlon Brando, his face covered by smooth stubble of beard. He’s muscular and wears a muscle shirt and a green army shirt unbuttoned over top. He’s got jet black hair which is slicked back by gel, his brown eyes shine in the light giving a glow to him that makes him seem almost God like.

The bartender sets the beer on the table, Jack takes it, his eyes careen around the bar trying to pick out the choice woman of the night, he looks across the room and sees a stripper dancing on stage, something about her catches his eye, he watches her closely, his eyes fixed on her, her sexy moves, her long silky hair and great legs and wild curves.

She moves around the poles real nice, she is tall and a real wild dancer too. She leans forward and strokes the cheek of a customer, who tries to grab her breast only to have his hand grabbed, she shakes her fingers at him and then licks them sliding sexily along the floor.

The music slowly fades away and she gets up putting on a leather coat, sitting on chair in the corner, Jack continues watching her, his eyes transfixed on her angelic face and great body, he checks her out from top to bottom, capturing the beauty of such a creature, his mind wonders, he rubs his pockets looking for his cigarettes, there still there just as he thought, he lights a cancer stick and sees her look toward him, he blinks at her and motions for her to come over, she walks away to the back and he leaves through the front door.

EXT. Strip club:

he walks around the back of the club, and walks down the back alley, as he passes he sees her coming out of the side door of the club where all the strippers exit, she’s clinching her coat together, her long hair blows in the breeze of the cool night air, she fiddles in her jacket pocket for a her cigarettes, but she can’t find them. She walks, he walks, she stops he stops, watching her walk makes him hard, his dirty mind goes to where doesn’t exactly want it to go at the moment, to that place of sin and sex, he pushes down on the bulge in his pants.

Not now he thinks, someone could walk by and see me, see my pecker standing at attention. Like a dirty old man, he moans as he watches her walk, again those legs, that face, there all he can focus on, he decides its now or never, she’s already noticed him, she’s already seen him in the club, motioning at her, what’s he got to lose, he follows her, checking out her ass and legs, he’d die for the chance to make love to a woman like that, a woman of beauty and seduction, he’s probably got it all planned out, he’ll do her, flip open a nice cold beer, light a cigarette and just sit back and relax, reliving the moment, when a goddess of sexiness made love to him, him a dirty old man whore, with a mean streak that could get you killed if you so much as looked at him the wrong way.

He catches up to her and takes a cigarette out of his pocket.

Jack Moon: Hey doll, I noticed you looking in your pockets, here,
(He hands her a cigarette)

Stripper: Why are you following me? You like what you see? Huh? You like to watch? Was it getting you hard watching me? Watching me dance all sexy like that? Was it getting you hard, watching my body, checking out my legs and ass? I noticed you, you didn’t think I would notice you, but I did, I did and I know your dirty mind liked what you saw. So tell me something, what you do want from a dame like me? Never mind, I already know what dirty men like you want, its written all over your face, don’t hide it, its true and you know it, you men are all the same, all us woman are to you, is play things, for your own sexual gratification, for your own sleazy play house.


He can’t hear her words, all he sees, is her sexy body, and angelic face, her words pass through his ears, all he wants is to get to know her, maybe convince her to come to his place, have a few shots of whisky and some rye, that will be enough to slow down her inhibitions, then she’ll get it on with him, and he can feel like man, because he just fucked a broad with a nice pair of legs, and an ass that would cause any other man to die of a heart attack.

The air is getting colder, and she looks like she really wants to get home, she takes the cigarette and he takes his lighter out of his pocket, and lights it for her, the flames again, engulfing the cigarette.
Jack: Your one fine broad, you know that? I can’t help checking out your nice curves, your sexy legs, great ass, and your angelic face, tell me something toots, you ever been with a real man before?

She’s looking at him now, trying to figure out if he’s for real, watching him, watching the way his eyes watch her body, she knows that he’s man whore, a filthy sleazy drunken man whore, who if she was a hooker, would bye without batting an eye for 1000 bucks.


Stripper: yes, yes I have and he’s more of a man then you’ll ever be. Sugar I don’t fuck sleazy drunks; I’m not some cheap two bit whore.

As Jack is about to answer her, she thumbs down a cab, she opens the door of the cab and Jack grabs her arm, spinning her toward him, his eyes fixed on hers, his breath so close to her face she almost gages from the smell of beer that fills his mouth.

The cab driver is waiting now, waiting and watching, he too is transfixed on her sexy legs and face, if she wasn’t wearing a coat, he would have had quite a show.

Something doesn’t seem right about the cab driver, something odd something mysterious, his face hidden by shadows; all we can see are his eyes, eyes of red, Devils eyes.


The cab driver reaches into his pockets.

Jack takes a cigarette out of his pocket lights it, looking over head at the tall buildings surrounding them on the busy New York streets,
Suddenly shots can be heard, the stripper lay’s face down on the ground her shapely ass exposed to the cool night air.

The cab rips down the street, Jack watches him, kneeling down next to her, she’s unconscious but still breathing, and he begins to try to revive her, but is stopped by the sounds of police sirens wailing down the street.

The cops are coming, he better get out of there, before they nail him for it, he knows it’s the cab driver, who else could it be, the cab drive took off so fast, he could have knocked his head off, he must be guilty, no innocent person would zooms off like that, no innocent person, unless he was guilty, and the cab driver looked pretty suspicious, that hood those eyes, those fingers with their long nails, something evil about the grin that crossed his face as he looked at them, its all clear.

Jack quickly gets up and runs, but cop cars surround him from all sides.

Helicopter lights surround him; he backs up against a wall, and tries to shield his eyes, from the light.

Policemen: We’ve got you surrounded, surrender, put your hands on your head, and walk toward us very slowly, Jack walks forward and the cop who is obviously in charge of the cavalry, motions for his men to take him. The men move in and take Jack, who just says nothing but looks down at the ground, wondering if they’ll give him a cigarette down at the station.

Ext. New York Street.


INT. New York Police Station Interrogation room- (12:30pm est. time)

(Detective Blackie White, of the New York Police department)

A fat fellow with the features of Elmer Fudd, and the voice
Of a large and terrible beast, he looks over Jack, watching him closely, watching him like prey, sniffing him out, he’s got Jack in his sites, watching and waiting for one fuck up. All he itches for now, is one fuck up and Jack will be doing hard time, 25-life in the big house.

(Detective White)
12

[NightmareMaster]

By the way, incase you wonder what the big 12 is for.

This is an example of how big everything was, so that's why I was wondering if anything is wrong, because I have it at 12 and courier new, but it looks two big, it looks really good when I minimize my window though.

[EvilOnTwoLegs]

Originally posted by Nightmare Maste
Thank you very much EOTL, your a great critic, Your honest, you don't sugarcoat things, your fast and to the point, I would take what you said over someone telling me it was great any day, because I love constructive criticism from people who don't sugar coat me, I have had alot of experince with Criticism before so I would never think your picking on me.
When I was trying to learn Journalism and writing, my uncle did'nt sugar coat my writing, he took his red pen and he went over everything, spelling mistakes, grammar, paragraphing, and he really laid it into me about the article, I admit because I am a perfectionist, it is very frustrating, to show people my stuff and ask for help, because I don't want to feel embrassed, but I am always trying to take that leap one at a time, I give myself pep talks, and say it does'nt matter what people think, the only thing that matters is how I perceive it. But again, thank you for your brutal honesty. Now I can see that its tougher then I thought.
Thank you.
Not a problem. A lot of people ask for the truth when they don't really want to hear it...that's why I always try to clarify for someone that I'm not being an asshole about things; I just want them to learn the right way if they're gonna ask for advice. And scriptwriting is something I know, so I feel confident giving advice about it...and I'm glad you're one of the ones who's sincere about learning. I have no patience for those who solicit advice, then cringe when it's offered.

As for the revisions you made, it already looks a hell of a lot better without all those camera angles and such. That stuff really gets in the way...and more importantly, it would seriously piss off any director who looked at it....because that stuff all falls within the domain of the director. That's their territory, and they don't like people telling them how to do their job. Same thing with actors' instruction...use only when necessary. Sometimes, if something is subtle, you may need to indicate the character's intent. Or if there's an action that you feel is really vital, it's okay to include that. But learn to only write what is 100% vital. Here's a mistake a lot of first time screenwriters will make...they'll type something like this:


MIKE
(angry)
Listen to me, you fuck!


Does it really have to be stated that Mike is angry? How else is an actor going to deliver a line like "Listen to me, you fuck"? Actors (the good ones, anyway) are amazing people, and they deserve credit for what they can do. Don't underestimate them. As you learn more and more to curb these natural tendencies to overstate things (which is something we all have to fight in the start), you'll see the page becoming cleaner, tighter, with more white space and less sprawling paragraphs...this is much easier on the eyes, and it shows that you know how to get down to business without fucking around.

Aside from the fact that you still need to format your script (especially getting the dialogue in the right format), the main thing is that most of your existing narration has to be skeletonized. While it is important to set the stage properly in the first couple of pages, it's also very important to get things moving quickly. You need to find the momentum in the script that's going to be present on screen. Too much narration in a proper film script will bog the reader down before they get a chance to become really interested in your characters or the plot. Rule of thumb is that one page = one minute. But with all the narration you've got, what's present on one page is going to account for less than a minute of screentime...because no matter how much you describe something that's going to get five seconds of screen time, it's still only going to get five seconds of screen time. So when the narration of that moment takes twenty or thirty seconds to read, you're slowing the reader down unnecessarily...and as a result, their interest wanes. Find a way to say what you're saying in your narrations, while using less words to say it. Screenplays are a kind of shorthand, in a way. You can present things in an intriguing way without piling so many words on them, the way you would in a novel.

Also, if your font is set at 12-point Courier, you should be fine with the text size. 12-point Courier has a pitch of 10...meaning ten characters per horizontal inch of paper-space. Check your text against the ruler at the top of your word processing software...if you've got ten characters per inch, you're aces. Sometimes things just look big on a monitor...it's one of the insane foibles of this technological age. If you've got less than ten characters per inch, then you may actually have a problem...though I'm not sure how you'd go about fixing it.

Also...minor point, maybe, but I'll throw it out there for the sake of it. Your screenplay should begin thusly:


FADE IN:


EXT. STREETS - NIGHT

And the body of your narrative would begin here.


Your first line, however, is generally your FADE IN...followed by a triple-return...then your master scene heading...double-return...and then your description. This also eliminates the need for a "fade in" in the body of your description.

Anyway, just keep trying...and refine your skills as you go. Formatting rules, as well as the general principles of screenwriting, are hard to master at first. It takes time and effort...and even if it gets on your nerves (and in the beginning, it will), pretty soon you'll be able to type as fast in proper format as you can typing in the looser inproper format. The margins, the tabs...they all become second nature. I write my scripts without screenwriting software, tabbing and formatting as I go...and by now, I can make pretty good headway in pretty good time. It's all just a matter of practice. So stick to it, and good luck, man.

Now quit reading this and get back to writing. ;)

[NightmareMaster]

Well here is how my script looks so far with revisons, the most frustrating part for me, is the margins.

Screenplay by Charles A.




First draft ENT. Theme music
Aug/21/05.



Opening Credits


INT. NEW YORK STRIP CLUB-Night



Fade into red signs flashings across the roof top of a tall brick building, live girls, XXX, pleasure valley. Inside the sound of broken glass can be heard, men make cat calls their eyes wide as saucers.
The club is big, with lots of bright lights most of which are on the stage. A man takes a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and flicks a lighter; the flames of the lighter are so thick and high, that the cigaret