impetus

[boogeyman87]

This is something that came to me. Not sure if i'm gonna write more to it, your coments and suggestions will help though.



The sun hit terry’s face as he stepped outside and tripped over the bags spread over the porch. His face tensed up as he regained his manner and made his way toward the street. He stopped and glanced around closing his eyes and breathing out heavily. Turning around he looked at his gated house with the red door. Blood red if you asked terry, but no one ever did . He turned back around and carried on into the street. He stopped halfway across and proceeded to lay down.


Felix Anderson stopped his bike as he rode past Terry in the street. “What are doing in the street number 9?” asked Felix. “I’m dieing .” whispered Terry. “Are you now .”said Felix . “Care to tell me why?” “I’m not at liberty to tell you that Felix. They would hurt her if I told you." said Terry. “Ok, number 9. I’ll see you in paper tomorrow.” replied Felix. Without notice Felix started back on his bike and continued down the street, passing a yellow school bus turning the corner. It stopped and the window opened. “morning number 4” said the driver. “Morning” replied Felix. "Listen driver, you see that man laying in the road over there?”asked Felix. “Yes I do number 4.”replied the driver as he stared in the direction of Terry. “ see that he’s taken care of.” said Felix. “Sure thing.”replied the driver with a wink. Felix continued on with morning bike ride.


The bus picked up speed again. Barreled down the street and over number 9’s body. Not a sound was heard. The kids giggled as they hit the bump in the road. One even asked if they could do it again. “Nonsense , sit down.”said the driver at first. “ there would be nothing left for the A.S.S. to pick up.” chuckled the driver as he turned another corner and continued the ride……

[Franchise]

If you can, please make it in an easier to read format. I do like it though.

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by Franchise
If you can, please make it in an easier to read format. I do like it though.

What do you mean ? Like space it out into paragraphs?

[Franchise]

Yeah. It reads easier that way. Separate the lines of dialogue so your reader knows who's talking and what not.

[FTL]

Originally posted by Franchise
If you can, please make it in an easier to read format.


Yeah. Please. The way you have it doesn't help people who are dyslexic.

[boogeyman87]

Well i fixed it . Is it better to read now.? And is it interesting?

[FTL]

It's sick, lmao. I picture the bones of the body crunching.

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by FTL
It's sick, lmao. I picture the bones of the body crunching.

Thats good.:) I'm trying to write something different after what you said in the other thread. I'm trying to think out side of the box on this one. So if you want to know what the title means or what A.S.S. means then you guys can ask.

[Dark Empire]

not bad man, not bad at all.

[boogeyman87]

Alittle backstory that i've come up with-
Impetus is latin for driving force or stimulation.

America is slave country in a unspecified time for right now

half the nation (southern half) are the slave owners or rulers and the northern half are the slaves.

A.S.S. stands for American Slavery Squad.

Dont worry, i'm not giving away too much .

[boogeyman87]

another thing i forgot to mention was that the west is no more. Its a wasteland and some as crumbled into the ocean meaning the west coast is gone and alot of the other states i.e. nevada and Washington are deserted wastelands or nuclear waste lands.

[boogeyman87]

"One more added to the list there Felix." joked Gerri. "Yep, #9. He...was....a fucking idiot if you ask me." replied Felix. "Always kept rambling about how their out there and how their coming for us and blah blah blah.." muttered Felix. Gerri, who was an average sized girl, we say girl seeing as how Gerri seems to lack those features of a women. Imagine your beautiful golden retriever with ruby red lipstick and Gerri would still fall short of her. She walked away from the conversation mid sentence and left Felix talking to the wall. She had a knack for ignoring people, giving them back their cold shoulder she received often. "Thanks Gerri, and fuck you too." Felix said with that reflex in his voice that it wasn't meant but had to be said.

They both walked towards the end of the break room and outside the door. "Back to work , how I love it." whispered Mouse. "Hey Mouse, didn't see you behind us, tell me something." Questioned Felix. Felix had a hobby of asking questions and demanding things out of thin air. "Well i didnt eat lunch today." Stuttered Mouse. "Mother says i shouldnt eat whats handed to me."

"Mouse , your a shity liar." replied Gerri, still in the conversation but her head turned. " You live in Tower H. Alone." Finished Gerri. "Well she used to tell me." Muttered Mouse. "Before the.."Mouse continued. "Can it man, we dont need a history lesson." Felix stoped and shook Mouse by the shoulders flailing him around. "You know mums the word, keep it that way." He said coldy looking in Gerri's dirrection but she was already through the double doors and back to the office.

A four story office. A story short of something worthwhile. Faces and machines. Working together to make this place what it had to be. A sterile , stern workforce that represented the A.S.S. Yet to be taken down by anything in over a century . Sure, few had tried to bring the building down. Terror lived next door. See the local prison zone was nextdoor to the A.S.S. office buildings. Connected by tunnels and open ears to the outside. Everyone heard everyone and everything. Steel and wire seperated the sane from the converted.

[Silverpsycho]

Hey boogeyman87! Pretty damn good stuff! :)
Thanks for PMing me about it! Great job...keep it up, I want more! :D
In the beginning it kinda reminded me of "They Live" (definitely not a bad thing at all), but I like the route you are taking.
Hey have you read the "Land of the Dead" script? There is a character named "Mouse" in that too! I always love those kind of characters because right away...I know what they are like...LOL. My imagination gets going with your story so definitely keep with it ;)

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by Silverpsycho
Hey boogeyman87! Pretty damn good stuff! :)
Thanks for PMing me about it! Great job...keep it up, I want more! :D
In the beginning it kinda reminded me of "They Live" (definitely not a bad thing at all), but I like the route you are taking.
Hey have you read the "Land of the Dead" script? There is a character named "Mouse" in that too! I always love those kind of characters because right away...I know what they are like...LOL. My imagination gets going with your story so definitely keep with it ;)


Thanks. And i didnt know about the character Mouse in the Land of the Dead. It was Markus but i liked Mouse. Seemed like it was out of nowhere. Well hopefully you and whoever will get to see more. If i'm creative enough i'll have to come back to it. Hopefully sooner than later.

[FTL]

Well, I'm not gonna lie. I like it. I haven't gotten a full grasp of what this warped world is yet, but it sure isn't anything that's on the-up-and-up. Keep at it! I also like the humor added too, how Felix can ask a question out of nowhere, or be talking for a bit, then turns to see Gerri half way out the room, lmao.

[boogeyman87]

This is what i came up with recently to continue along. Please tell me if you like it and like the direction things are going. Thanks for the coments. :)


“Walter!” screamed Felix. Mouse and Gerri who were now behind Felix both knew what was coming next and had big grins on their faces. “Who do you want?” asked Felix to a now shaking Walter. Walter was an older man, terrible at his job and seemed to have some unknown skin condition. He scratched his arms up and down and you could see the bandages where he had rotted the skin from his incessant scratching. “I…don’t…understand.” mumbled Walter. “Who do you want to fuck?” said Felix politely. “Huh, well I’m not…I mean I don’t know.” said Walter looking at his books and then back to Felix with Gerri and Mouse in the background waiting for the answer. “Ok, Missy is a beautiful girl.” whispered Walter. “I’d engage in relations with her.” Felix Gerri and Mouse all looked up and over to Missy May.

Standing by the water cooler in her Sunday dress. Didn’t make much sense to Mouse why she dressed like it was a warm sunny day down in the Bayou , when in fact it was a stormy day in the industrial city. “Yes…I see she keeps the Louisiana spirit alive.” Started Felix as he stared at Missy. “Damn hick!” He finished. He then turned back to Walter who was writing in his book. “ Umm…Walter I’m not fucking done with you.” Felix then motioned to Gerri and pointed in Missy May’s direction.

Walter was nervous now and his skin was itching to come off. He turned around in his chair and saw Gerri engaged in conversation with Missy. Missy smiled then quickly gritted her teeth and turned her head to Walter. “What…did you…do?” whispered Walter to Felix. “We saved Missy the trouble you old pervert. Do you think that cupcake would want to talk to you? You’re a fucking rotting apple…literally.” laughed Felix. “Now get back to your books Walter.” With that Felix, Mouse and the newly rejoined Gerri left Walter as he burried his face in his book.

“Twelve o’clock , tomorrow afternoon, hangs himself.” said Gerri. “No…no…no that’s weak.” said Felix. “Four o’clock , today, jumps off the 13th floor.” said Felix looking around for approval. “How ‘bout you Mouse.” “ Well…midnight, tonight alone in his apartment , blows his brains out while listening to Beethoven.” squeaked Mouse. “Deep…Mouse.” said Gerri.

“Mouse fuck off, your shit at this game.” said Felix. “What makes you think Walter would listen to that crap?” asked Gerri. “The book…he was reading a book on Beethoven.” said Mouse with confidence in his voice. “Don’t mouth off to me Mouse…now I need both of you to leave.” I’ve got work to be done.”

With that Gerri and Mouse left Felix’s big office and returned to the halls. “That’s was nice Mouse.” said Gerri. “You really pay attention to people.” Mouse turned around, “you should.” “Maybe…”whispered Gerri as she collapsed to the floor. A bullet wedged between her and the stained red ground.

[boogeyman87]

Anyone interested in reading this? At all?

[blicdh]

Originally posted by boogeyman87
Anyone interested in reading this? At all?

That last addition to it was pretty fucking wicked man.

Keep up the good work!
BTW, I like the direction you are taking.;)

[boogeyman87]

It continues... :)

The ground shook. People fell to the carpet. Voices boomed as loud as the machine being wielded around. Mouse heard ringing in his ears and he wasn’t sure if that was normal or not. His eyes forced themselves down under unbearable pressure to see the shapes. Figures more, rows of crowded objects making sobbing noises and swooshing sounds with their knees against the carpet. Gerri was behind him and her blood had seeped into his shoes. Her chest heaving up and down pushing blood through that hole. That perfect hole in an imperfect person. He saw her lips ruby red from blood she gritted behind her teeth. Such a beautiful disaster Mouse thought.

Sure he had thought about Gerri. In the bathroom stall once or twice during lunch break. The day after he had lost his mother. The day he felt nothing but pent up rage and needed pleasure. He knew Felix would name him sick, he knew he was. Staring down at Gerri he realized he had failed to look up to Walter. Who was standing or rather pacing side to side a few cubicles away. Mouse dropped to his knees and out of sight. He pushed back his combed hair and took his hand up from his hair to see it shake.


Where was Felix thought Mouse. He turned his view back to Felix’s office and saw the door open but Felix wasn’t in site. Mouse felt the world collapse around him. Should he give himself up to the pale man or lay still with the body of a fellow coworker? “I need to do this” spoke Mouse. He saw a few people huddled together to the right of himself and crawled over. He felt faint as he passed Gerri’s body. He pushed on and came to the people.


“We’re planning on rushing him” spoke a women. “Are you willing to help?” asked another person. “In a way, I have my own solution” said Mouse. He then receded back away from the group and proceeded to a small cubicle. Searching for something, something blunt, sharp, deadly. He came across a pair of scissors. Unusually long for the workplace Mouse thought. Was there a psychopath on the floor out there bleeding to death. Taken down by the lonely man, the other psychopath. He grabbed them and proceeded with his thoughts.

[blicdh]

Keep em' coming, boogeyman.

You are really drawing me into the story of the A.S.S.;)

It is interesting, to say the very least.


-Biggy

[boogeyman87]

It continues....again.:)

Mouse pocketed the weapon and turned around to see where Walter was this minute. He was breaking desks, chairs and a few bones. Walter jumped back as he felt the pain in his wrist. A pile of bones in his skin is what it felt like. He put down the gun and began to pick it up with the other hand. Mouse saw this opening and moved forward towards Walter. He quickly looked to the side of him and saw a few familiar faces on the walls. Had he blanked out so much that he didn’t hear their screams when they were murdered? Their plan had failed he thought.

Mouse came from the side of Walter and plunged the scissors into his trachea. Walter could do no more than spit seeing as how the gun in his hands was now falling to the floor with himself. Mouse made eye contact with Walter and then averted his eyes. He couldn’t look at him in the face. He paid more attention to the bullet coming at him.

Into his shoulder and out in an instant. Walter had fired one last shot as he stumbled to the ground and gurgled blood onto the carpet. Mouse felt unusually light and high. Like he was floating. The feeling was intense and lasted what seemed like a decade. He then felt heavy and began to fall. He blacked out on top of Walter’s corpse. Two less-fortunate guys, the hero and the victim spread over the floor. It wouldn’t be the last time.

[boogeyman87]

Hopefully you guys will like this, I try to please you. :(


The green glowing was bright and the little buzzing was loud. Mouse opened his eyes half way and couldn’t open them any wider. What he saw was numbers. Rounded and blocked numbers across the wall. He didn’t know what was the meaning but he kept seeing 44..99..22. It was a pattern and it went left, right, up, down, sideways and his way. They were pretty bland in color but he figured numbers didn’t have to be showy, they had a purpose. Things that had a purpose didn’t have to be showy, they didn’t need to dress themselves up with vibrant schemes and the best of the worst of people. Mouse thought he struck a nerve in himself and realized something. Something he was forgetting now, now that his eyes were beginning to close again. He blacked out.


A dream was too much for Mouse. He had a vision, a picture of things to come. He wasn’t sure how much truth he could hold to it but he saw a blue background. A red and white object was flying , or could it be floating in the air. He could smell the air around him and it reeked of gasoline and soil. He heard a voice, a angelic harp was playing and a soft chuckle was around. “McArthur…Marc?” said the soft voice. Mouse opened his eyes ten feet wide and stared up at the face. His eyes burned from chemicals in the air but he saw blonde and black streaks of hair. It was a nurse, but she was dressed in silk, satin and fishnets. Her nametag said Karen but he figured it was a handout of the ASS as usual. “Umm…excuse me?” said KAREN.


“Sorry…” screamed Mouse’s voice. “I…mean sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.” “Its okay babe, side effects of the drugs they pumped you with.” Mouse knew he wasn’t pure anymore. “Yeah they didn’t know why your body was refusing the antiseptics so they pulled a medical blindside. I guess you can say your over the counter now.” Karen said with a fast laugh and then a slow sigh. She bared and ended her own jokes. “I…have a question. Where are the rest?” Said Mouse. “The rest of the victims, their at home. You’ve been with us for a good month now.” replied Karen as she fluffed his pillow and started folding the blankets he wasn’t using. “But…it wasn’t a serious wound was it? I feel fine.” “It was a gunshot, simple really but they didn’t want to let you go. Something to do with legal mumbo jumbo and your body.” Karen moved to the door, “which isn’t half bad.” She left and Mouse didn’t bother to ask her where she was going. He had to learn more of this vision. He closed his eyes. It didn’t come.

Exotic. He felt exotic. He knew they pumped another set of drugs into him. He wasn’t all there the first time around but his system knew the feeling. A show was on the television and it was eye catching. A cop was interrogating a women with a bad perm. Her dress was eccentric enough for the both of them. The cop slapped the women and the tempo of the music raised. He couldn’t hear but that’s what usually happened. The commercials were on now and it was Mouse’s favorite part of television. It was a snowy outdoor setting with a old man hiking through the woods. A cabin was in view and the man was walking briskly. Then, all of a sudden the man fell to the ground. A black screen came up then a image of a frost bitten dead corpse came up. “Make it home…with NIKE.” What a lovely commercial Mouse thought. I need some new shoes.

[blicdh]

This story strikes me as 1984, A Clockwork Orange and Misery, all rolled into one.

Very sweet story, indeed. I like how you cut around, it's is interesting.

BTW, where do you come up with this stuff.:D


-Biggy

[boogeyman87]

Originally posted by blicdh
This story strikes me as 1984, A Clockwork Orange and Misery, all rolled into one.

Very sweet story, indeed. I like how you cut around, it's is interesting.

BTW, where do you come up with this stuff.:D


-Biggy

Thanks. Where do I come up with this stuff? Its just ideas that I've had that I wanted to put down. Or I'll be watching a tv show or listening to something and I'll hear a word. Could be "this" or "Bird" and I'll take it and run with it evenually writing a couple of paragraphs. :) More to come now that you like it.

[boogeyman87]

An update...a cliffhanger...and a hiatus. :)

Hah Hah Hah, Mouse heard laughing coming from down the hall. It was around midnight, and Mouse had already spent a few weeks in this hospital, so he was told. Everyday Karen had come in and read “The Prince” by Niccolo Machiavelli. She probably read it to him because frankly who wants to read alone. Mouse knew Karen was alone, and he knew she couldn’t help but throw herself out there. Maybe if she relaxed a bit and acted like herself then she’d be married by now. Who was Mouse to say this though, he hadn’t had a girlfriend in over a decade.

It was a Wednesday afternoon around dusk. Mouse was getting sick of being in bed. Karen who had practically become his new friend said she had something for him. He saw her walking down the hall towards his E8 room. Her hips reminded him of whatsername. He couldn’t remember her name, the girl who he had liked. The girl who died on him. O’well, she must not of been that important or the drugs were starting to take their toll. “Hey Marc, how’s the kids? See any good movies lately?” said Karen with a straight face. “ I ate the kids and skipped the movie, how you been?” asked Mouse seriously. “Its not important, forget about that question.” she replied. “Okay…when am I getting out of here?” “Seems like your scheduled for a October release.” “But its August!” “Well I’m just the nurse, not the fucking doctor.”
“get the fuck out of here.” Mouse said it so sternly and so strong it hurt his own feelings. Why had he been so mean lately, and why was he attacking her? Did she need attacking?

Midnight one September Mouse decided to leave. He couldn’t help himself here, he needed to see him reflection. His eyes were still sore even though it had been a good 3 months since he had woken up. He raced out of bed and down a flight of stairs. His nightgown caught the edge of a corner and Mouse flew to the ground naked. Karen walked out of the adjacent door and looked Mouse up and down. “How embarrassing..” said Karen with a sigh. “Where are you off to?” “I’m…getting some air, I wanted to leave me room.” “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Karen said with a flicker of her eye. “ Sorry, I’m going..” said Mouse as he fled past her and buttoned up his gown. He didn’t see Karen making any effort to stop him. He slowed down to walking speed and passed a vending machine. That’s funny, why is there a man in the vending machine. Wait…it was Mouse. Not a Mouse anymore, he saw his reflection in the glass. It was Walter’s face. “Its…lying to me…” screamed Mouse/Walter.

[blicdh]

Bravo, Chris. Encore. That was just utterly brilliaint, I was not expected THAT kind of cliffhanger. of course, I don't know what to expect in this story.

Props.

[boogeyman87]

Its a short return but I had some thoughts and I ran with them. I hope its up to par with what you've come to expect.



There’s no screaming in Hell. There’s no glass and dirt in your eyes, no pins in your heart. it’s a place of waste without the waste. Mouse wasn’t in Hell, yet he felt that he was living through Hell on earth. Apparently he was a mental and physical wreck who was now permanently tied to the hospital bed. He knew what he had seen in that reflection. His true self, which was a murderer. He murdered a man, and there was no way around that fact. The sunset can stretch across a nighttime scene and it will still be a black violently dark night.

There’s a problem with Mouse. He’s sick off his head and he’s hard pressed to just make it out of the bed. He hadn’t seen Karen in a long time and he was sad. How could someone be so sad when he’s a sad guy. When his own brain is eating him out and he cant help but think of Karen the thrash-like nurse who faked everything. “Forty-four ninety-nine twenty-two..” said the TV. “What are you talking about!” yelled Mouse back as he lifted his head as much as he could while being strapped down to the bed. The TV was off and in fact unplugged since his life was very well that. That whole room was beginning to resemble Mouse. The mellow yellow colored picture of the sail boat, the small angel figurine sitting on the window seal, the one green coat that hung in the closet. That didn’t even belong to Mouse. His life really didn’t belong to him anymore..

“Karen, I thought I’d never see you again” said Mouse with a gleaming frown. “Look, you’re a real swell guy Marc. You talk loud and you thank me for everything” started Karen. “Your pretty green, and well…I hardly know you” she stopped and scratched her upper lip and smeared her makeup in the process. “Oh shit…I’ll be back to give the really bad news” she said. Then she picked up her bag and walked out down the hall. The door shut by itself and Mouse no longer had nothing to look at, nothing to appreciate.

[boogeyman87]

Well, I came up with this pretty cool scene to move the story along. I'm not saying the story will be updated frequently but I enjoyed writing this part. Hopefully you will find some enjoyment in it as well.:)


“You can push me if you try, you can take me away. Outside, upside, inside, take me where you want because I know that I can breath a sigh of relief when your done because I’ve been rewound and I’m starting this all over again…again…and again till it comes out right and clean.” “Hun, who you talking to?” whispered a red eyed and gray haired short woman. Mouse shook himself out of his trance and look wide eyed over the woman. “Who the fuck are you” said Mouse with no real question behind the statement. “Excuse me, I’m a fine employee of this hospital and you will not talk to me like that” the woman, Gretchen by her nametag, said with authority in her voice. It didn’t belong there.

“No, I don’t have to respect you at all, now where is Karen, where is fucking Karen” “I said you will not talk to me…” she started up again. Mouse reached over to the nightstand next to him and opened the drawer. “Now, I don’t know who this Karen is but if you want to continue this..” Mouse returned from the drawer with a hard pressed Bible, as he shoved it into Gretchen’s face knocking her to the ground. Mouse leapt from the bed and jumped to the floor and continued to smash Gretchen’s face in with the Bible. With the truth.

The body of the dead nurse felt warm, contrasted by his coldness. He was freezing, his toes, his eyes, his fingernails. Everything obscure to him. It wasn’t his head, or his chest, or his arms. Murder seemed to be such a new drug to him, when he wanted it. Before he had murdered a man. He didn’t want to and he didn’t mean to. Like someone slipping LSD in your drink and you feel the high and see the world with rainbow eyes. You didn’t know, you didn’t intentionally do it. This was different. He had, his own will, killed the woman…with a book.

He had purposely taken the LSD himself and even offered it to his buddies. He knew what he was doing. At least, he thought he knew what he did. He did kill her right? He leaned over her bloody face and saw the bruised, purple marks around her eyes and neck. He had snapped her neck? How? He picked up her hand and rested it in his own. “Your going to be fine, ma’am. I didn’t mean to kill you. I’m sorry.” He huffed and hugged the body rocking it back and forth. He then opened his eyes and removed himself from the body.

He shut the door which had been open the entire time during the incident, the accident. He got down on his knees and starting pushing the body under his bed but she could clearly been seen. He huffed again. Mouse lifted the woman up and lugged her over to the window. “It looks a little far down there, Gretchen. I hope you can float.”

The woman flew out of the window and smacked against the pavement. Mouse frowned, “ you should of told me you couldn’t fly.” He shut the window and went across the room to open the door. He peeked out and saw everyone running down the stairs and screaming. Mouse laughed. “what about all the patients, silly employees. Not thinking on that one.” He started to take a stroll down the hall. He heard sirens and singing coming from all over the place. Why was there singing? He peeked into a room and saw the person asleep, the TV was on and the window was open. He skipped to the window and looked out. Two police cars, seventy onlookers, and one grinning Gretchen. “Boy, for a corpse, she sure does seem happy” he said looking over to the patient in the bed.

[Silverpsycho]

Holy crap you have added quite a bit to your tale since I last read it! Believe me, I plan on catching up on this...I have not forgotten you Chris ;) I just have been waiting for some free time away from my courses and I shall get it after this week is finished.