fan4life
10-08-2004, 05:27 PM
ok so i got this idea of a short story in my head. wish i could screenwrite it out but i just cant quite grasp it yet. in my head i see mark madsen as the husband and some one like julian moore as the wife. for the man at the end i picture Mr. Pink himself, steve bussiemmie...( apologies for the miss spellings)alrite enough small talk. just read through my idea and tell me what ya think....
" quitting"
picture your everyday typical house in your apinfuilly ordinary nieghborhood. the skys not fully grey buy nowere near blue either. inside the house there is a man packing his worldy goods in steady yet frantic pace. in the background you can see his bathroom sink covered with blood. as he packs he murrmers to himelf. the door bell rings and he looks up shocked and a bit dismayed. as he walks over to the door dressed to kill in his armani suit he realizes the mess in the bathroom. he calmly walks back to the room and shuts the door. the moment he does this his wife opens the door and begins nagging at him to get the groceries out of the car. as her eyes scan the room she notices most of the furniture is missingshe begins to panic. the man at this poiont is like fuck it. he grabs by the wrist and tells her she needs to pack up all her stuff because they gota leave town in a few hours.
now obviously the wife is unable to comprehend everything going on. she begins to ask questions. he only tells her he has a new job and its far away from here. the wife still reluctant refuses to move. they begin arguing and he starts yelling and finally decides to tell her the truth.
"honey, baby, you wanna know whats going on. do you really want to know why we're doing this"
wife
yea of course i wanna know. im out shopping all fucking day so that you can eat. i bought you shirts! look! look in the damn bag if you dont believe me. and now you want me to just drop everything and just go pack my bags on a whim. what the hell to i look like marry fucking spoon full of sugar poppins"
husband
"no you look like shit"
wife
"really. i look like shit. you know what im sick of these games. every fucking day. your too busy. you got work. just yesterday i wanted some you me time. but nooo you had to go see the Russian. a russian over fucking your own wife. you ass hole"
husband
" you know what. ill tell you. i'm not an insurance saslesman. as a matter of fact i don't even have a fucking paystub on my name. no Marry i'm not the man you thought you married. my name is'nt Ben and i don't love you. But i will tell you that i am Death."
wife
"what?"
husband
"yes. i am the eternal entity they call death. there are myultiples of us you know. i'm not the first or last one. we've been around forever. you see marry ive been doing this job for too long, and you know what im tiered. i just finished my last job and i'm calling it quits. i found my replacement and its easy sailing from here.
wife
ben you dont make any god damn sense
husband
ok first the name isn't ben. and second it does make perfect sense. yuo see i didn't want this job it chose me. that being i was promised that when my time was up i would be rewarded with the one thing that goes underapricated most. its that thing people like you and all these stupid male pattern baldness looking mother fuckers screw up the most. mary i get to live a life. i get to be a normal person. and im not letting you fuck it up. so go pick up your shit and lets go.
wife
alright ben now your scaring me
at this point the husband reaches out and grabs her by the wrist she begins to have a sharp pain in her eyes. boom flashback to the cruisifiction of Christ. and its ben putting in the final nail. antother flash back to the a bunker some where underground. she sees a hand giving hitler a gun the voice sounding familar although its in german. she sees her husband telling hiitler to off hjimself. he put the gun to his head pulls the trigger and next hing she knows shes wathing kennedy drive through the streets of dallas. she sees the driver and its ben again . he waves to her almost mockingly. shots are fired adn we see the president fall. another flas back. she see's malcom x being shot in a coffee shop. it's ben pulling the trigger. and finally it all ends with her seeing ben egg on a assailant to pull the trigger on his sniper fixated on Dr. mARTIN Luther King.
she finally snaps out and looks sraight into his eyes
wife
" your fucking crazy"
she then begins to flee. to where she doesn't know. as she bolts to the door death begins to pace behind her. outside its now grey and slightly misty. the winds have kicked up and there are no children out in the street. she hits the curb and takes no mor than two steps before a car seemingly out of nowhere slams into her send her body into mid air twisting and turning as she begins to plumet down. her last thought is of the pain that has run through her body. as she hits the cars windshield the glass shatters along with her left profile. shes dead and the car only move about antorther yard. out steps a man who bares a resemblence to steve bussiemmie. he's frantic and breathing hard.
man
" oh my god. what have i done. im so sorry oh my god i gotta call the cops. i just killed her. jesus fucking christ it was an accident.
at this point the husband has made his way down to the edge of the lawn. and has a rather saisfied look.
death
"they almost always are"
man
"what?"
deaths
" deaths"
man
(looking lessed confused and more focused) " im sorry it was an accident"
death
" don't worry about it."
man
"huh? well um how'd i do"
death
"Not bad for your first time. not bad at all."
ok i know its all jumbled up and what not. but i just figuered that i would put it out there before i lost it. if anyonemade it this far please tell me what you think or if you can help me extend it write dialoge. or you know turn it into the short story it diserves to become. thanks
" quitting"
picture your everyday typical house in your apinfuilly ordinary nieghborhood. the skys not fully grey buy nowere near blue either. inside the house there is a man packing his worldy goods in steady yet frantic pace. in the background you can see his bathroom sink covered with blood. as he packs he murrmers to himelf. the door bell rings and he looks up shocked and a bit dismayed. as he walks over to the door dressed to kill in his armani suit he realizes the mess in the bathroom. he calmly walks back to the room and shuts the door. the moment he does this his wife opens the door and begins nagging at him to get the groceries out of the car. as her eyes scan the room she notices most of the furniture is missingshe begins to panic. the man at this poiont is like fuck it. he grabs by the wrist and tells her she needs to pack up all her stuff because they gota leave town in a few hours.
now obviously the wife is unable to comprehend everything going on. she begins to ask questions. he only tells her he has a new job and its far away from here. the wife still reluctant refuses to move. they begin arguing and he starts yelling and finally decides to tell her the truth.
"honey, baby, you wanna know whats going on. do you really want to know why we're doing this"
wife
yea of course i wanna know. im out shopping all fucking day so that you can eat. i bought you shirts! look! look in the damn bag if you dont believe me. and now you want me to just drop everything and just go pack my bags on a whim. what the hell to i look like marry fucking spoon full of sugar poppins"
husband
"no you look like shit"
wife
"really. i look like shit. you know what im sick of these games. every fucking day. your too busy. you got work. just yesterday i wanted some you me time. but nooo you had to go see the Russian. a russian over fucking your own wife. you ass hole"
husband
" you know what. ill tell you. i'm not an insurance saslesman. as a matter of fact i don't even have a fucking paystub on my name. no Marry i'm not the man you thought you married. my name is'nt Ben and i don't love you. But i will tell you that i am Death."
wife
"what?"
husband
"yes. i am the eternal entity they call death. there are myultiples of us you know. i'm not the first or last one. we've been around forever. you see marry ive been doing this job for too long, and you know what im tiered. i just finished my last job and i'm calling it quits. i found my replacement and its easy sailing from here.
wife
ben you dont make any god damn sense
husband
ok first the name isn't ben. and second it does make perfect sense. yuo see i didn't want this job it chose me. that being i was promised that when my time was up i would be rewarded with the one thing that goes underapricated most. its that thing people like you and all these stupid male pattern baldness looking mother fuckers screw up the most. mary i get to live a life. i get to be a normal person. and im not letting you fuck it up. so go pick up your shit and lets go.
wife
alright ben now your scaring me
at this point the husband reaches out and grabs her by the wrist she begins to have a sharp pain in her eyes. boom flashback to the cruisifiction of Christ. and its ben putting in the final nail. antother flash back to the a bunker some where underground. she sees a hand giving hitler a gun the voice sounding familar although its in german. she sees her husband telling hiitler to off hjimself. he put the gun to his head pulls the trigger and next hing she knows shes wathing kennedy drive through the streets of dallas. she sees the driver and its ben again . he waves to her almost mockingly. shots are fired adn we see the president fall. another flas back. she see's malcom x being shot in a coffee shop. it's ben pulling the trigger. and finally it all ends with her seeing ben egg on a assailant to pull the trigger on his sniper fixated on Dr. mARTIN Luther King.
she finally snaps out and looks sraight into his eyes
wife
" your fucking crazy"
she then begins to flee. to where she doesn't know. as she bolts to the door death begins to pace behind her. outside its now grey and slightly misty. the winds have kicked up and there are no children out in the street. she hits the curb and takes no mor than two steps before a car seemingly out of nowhere slams into her send her body into mid air twisting and turning as she begins to plumet down. her last thought is of the pain that has run through her body. as she hits the cars windshield the glass shatters along with her left profile. shes dead and the car only move about antorther yard. out steps a man who bares a resemblence to steve bussiemmie. he's frantic and breathing hard.
man
" oh my god. what have i done. im so sorry oh my god i gotta call the cops. i just killed her. jesus fucking christ it was an accident.
at this point the husband has made his way down to the edge of the lawn. and has a rather saisfied look.
death
"they almost always are"
man
"what?"
deaths
" deaths"
man
(looking lessed confused and more focused) " im sorry it was an accident"
death
" don't worry about it."
man
"huh? well um how'd i do"
death
"Not bad for your first time. not bad at all."
ok i know its all jumbled up and what not. but i just figuered that i would put it out there before i lost it. if anyonemade it this far please tell me what you think or if you can help me extend it write dialoge. or you know turn it into the short story it diserves to become. thanks